submitted 1 year ago by EsheLynn to c/mtf

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I feel the need to say beforehand, I'm slightly drunk right now, and my inhibitions are lowered by this, but this has been bothering me lately.

I don't know of I need some kind of help. I've kind of become enamored with a "slutty, bimbo" look for myself, wearing really short booty shorts and really short crop tops, and wanting to adopt a "slutty" lifestyle. I've always liked the idea of being indiscriminate of my partners. I want to say, though, I can't right now, since she left.

Depressing thoughts aside, should I talk to my therapist about this? I don't want to end up using sex to cope with my mental deficiencies, but, my mind is equating what I've always wanted in a partner is what I've really wanted for myself.

I'm ashamed of being slut-shamed, or my kids seeing me with multiple sexual partners. I know it is too early to think about sex, but I'm really self conscious about my innate desire to dress and be slutty. I'm sorry if I'm oversharing, but I don't know what to do with this part of myself.

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[-] Blahaj_Blast 9 points 1 year ago

Yeah I would definitely talk to a (Hopefully allied) therapist.

I have a theory that when you're wondering about something like transition, you want a clear answer. If I try something sort of gender neutral but on the other side, well people might not notice and also I might not get a big feeling from it. If I try something more extreme, maybe I'll feel a stronger reaction and figure out "omg this is what I needed" or "no I definitely don't actually want this afterall".

[-] EsheLynn 5 points 1 year ago

Oh, I don't wonder. I've never been more sure. I've ditched all my old clothes, and have been wearing leggings and tank tops the entire time. Since coming out to my family, I'm less nervous to go out. I've even felt comfortable enough to use the women's room!

I did a thought experiment with my son yesterday while playing GTA with him, and redid my character as my transition goals, not some gross charicature of what I think I'll look like (how they have a hundred hair styles and they all suck idk. Maybe it's just my potato computer) It was so enthralling, and he redid his character with his goals. I didn't know I wanted tattoos and ear piercings 😳 and when I got into my favorite car, woo. I want to wear booty shorts and crop tops, and am so looking forward to when I feel more comfortable to wear it.

My son is trying to take a bit better care of himself since he tasted euphoria. I've started taking better care of myself since I've started my journey. Brushing my teeth more, shaving daily(someone said the other day, having the right goals is a great motivator), caring more about my hair, my presentation. I just thought I needed to put on clothes and look semi decent. Now I care about my appearance. I care if I wear ratty clothes now.

this post was submitted on 01 Aug 2023

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