Anyone else join Beehaw (or other queer spaces) out of a feeling of wanting to belong, before even realizing you were queer? (beehaw.org)

submitted 1 month ago by Hexarei@beehaw.org to c/lgbtq_plus@beehaw.org

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I dunno if this is the right place for this, but I was curious. I joined Beehaw during the Great Reddit API migration, a few years ago at this point. I couldn't put a finger on why but I wanted to join a queer-friendly space. It just seemed like a good place to be, somewhere that seemed to have goals of inclusivity and being kind to one another that I thought sounded good. I wanted to belong somewhere like this place seems to want to be.

Then, years later, in Nov of 2024 my egg absolutely shattered and I came out to myself as trans. Then I just realized this morning that the timeline is kinda funny to me. Thought I'd ask and see how common that pattern was.

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[-] knokelmaat@beehaw.org 5 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

Hey! This is a really fun topic, hope it's OK for me to give the perspective of someone who (at the moment :P) identifies as a straight, cis man.

I joined beehaw because it felt like a super nice and safe space, not just for queer people, but for anyone looking for a kinder internet. I've always felt a strong connection though to queer people and we often get along really well. I think it has to do with the fact that, even though I still identify as a straight cis man, I don't really fit into the stereotype well. I hate macho culture, I am often very passionate and emotional, don't like "mens" talk etc. I also have some mental issues which make me "different", and in that sense I feel like we share a similar feeling of "not fitting in", be it for different reasons. Accepting yourself and others for who you really are seems like a central idea in a queer-friendly space, and this is stuff that can help anyone as everybody has something about them that is different or goes against the grain.

I do feel that I am more open to my own possible queerness. I still identify as a man and am attracted to women, but there are moments where I can really appreciate a beautiful man too. Where I would have brushed over something like that in previous years, now I quite like it when I notice it and enjoy the experience. Even though I haven't yet actually felt physical attraction, I like that there is a part of me that is able to enjoy this too.

[-] jarfil@beehaw.org 5 points 1 month ago

Hi, fellow (at the moment) hetero, cis man 🙂

I mostly share your point of view and feelings, with a couple nuances. I've never felt strongly about my own gender, but still hate toxic masculinity with a passion. I've often chosen to pose as genderless just to avoid being associated with the "stereotypical man", but I've come to think that one doesn't need to be queer just to denounce toxic behaviors. There are some, few, role models of "positive masculinity", that one can follow, without changing labels. I don't think that "men" should let the toxic ones monopolize that label; positive masculinity should reclaim it, and push the toxic ones out!

As for gender, sexuality, attraction... they're all on a spectrum, and not necessarily at a single fixed point, or intensity. Artistic sensibility is on its own, also not necessarily related to the others. I don't think that simply being able to appreciate a beautiful man, or woman, or lamp post, is enough to call oneself "queer". We may not be like the "stereotypical macho man", but that doesn't mean one should renounce whichever label resonates more with oneself.