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this post was submitted on 19 Jul 2025
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I think we as a society need to get over compulsory monogamy. It clearly doesn't work for everybody. Why must two consenting adults refrain from expressing mutual love for one another?
Don't get me wrong, cheating is unethical and monogamy is still valid for those who want it. But the idea that monogamy is the most pure form of love is a social construct that has no basis in reality.
If you don't want to be monogamous don't get married. It's an easy solution.
Why would marriage be an issue? It's convenient for purposes of healthcare coverage, hospital visitation rights, guarantees that without a will stating otherwise your spouse makes all decisions regarding the disposal of your corpse, and they automatically inherit any wealth you have, and if you have military benefits in many cases marriage is required to transfer those, or have them automatically transfer on death.
I'm not monogamous, neither is my spouse, but we are married because of all the above reasons. Marriage isn't about love and monogamy it's about financial and death planning
You're right to call out that marriage != monogamy. The comment should have been:
Except all those advantage of officially marriage cannot be enjoyed by people who actually want the polygamous marriage as the system does not recognize that.
Oh for sure, it's incredibly frustrating, even more so since realistically no one is really fighting for poly marriage recognition outside a couple east coast towns. That's great and all, but isn't perfect by a long shot. I've toyed with reporting myself for polygamy (well technically it would be bigamy stauetorally) and trying to get it overturned that way, though looking through case law and the like I don't really see a way that would work. And there aren't enough of us to really easily get it on the ballot I don't think.
That's frankly a poor take.
On one hand, you're arguing that the social and legal benefits of marriage should be exclusive to monogamous couples. Why should marriage require monogamy? It may imply monogamy by tradition but up until recently those same traditions excluded same-sex couples and we've moved on from that requirement by now.
Alternatively, there exist those who are married but practice some form of non-monogamy, e.g. swingers, porn stars, polyamorous couples, separated couples. Does practicing non-monogamy invalidate their marriage? You could argue that it traditionally would, but again, we've already moved on from traditional marriage. In reality, the only thing that invalidates a marriage is divorce or death. Monogamy is not a requirement.
On the other hand, you seem to be implying that committed romantic relationships outside of marriage aren't widely and by default of social expectation (i.e. compulsory) monogamous. I'm certain you would be hard pressed to find anybody who would tell you otherwise.
You can be in a non-monogamous marriage. Quite common, actually.
Regardless, it's still at the very least a grey area to get involved with a subordinate, and I think a majority would find that unethical regardless.
When I was beginning to work at the university, there was a professor who had started an affair with his student. Everybody knew about that, no one cared a s***. Later on, the student got employed at the department, and then they got married. The only thing I ever heard of it being talked about was that it wasn’t quite sure whether it was the student or her professor who actually did her “maturity exam” (a then-compulsory exam after finishing your MA thesis, the questions of which were based on the thesis).