honestly, I feel the same. When I started out I probably waited 5-6 months before I started dressing outside and didn't feel like I was full time for like a year. Then even after that I definitely didn't pass and I was broke while trying to find my style (pretty expensive) without help bc my mom wouldn't help me/give me good advice. So then I eventually had to adopt a fairly neutral/androgynous look for years until I just started permanently male failing everywhere. 😮‍💨 Part of it was my hair since I had accidentally been getting it braided in a male way (lemme tell you I was completely clueless 💀) but the other part was I stopped starving myself and gained alot of weight. That sounds bad but I was at like 15-16 bmi for a while and the doctors were telling me that my total cholesterol was dangerously low somehow 🤷🏾‍♀️

And like when it was happening I was honestly confused if people were just playing along or not at least at first but then I always remember the disgust people had when I was starting out or just the random harassment. It's almost affirming that they're so stupid.

That being said the shit I hear/have heard from cissies has sworn me off from being open about my past outside of specific circumstances. You never forget that look when people start treating you differently than they used to because they realize you're trans.