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how do you deal with people who knew you pre-transition but don't recognize you? (self.mtf)
submitted 3 months ago by dandelion to c/mtf
12 comments fedilink hide all child comments

Someone at work that used to be my direct manager had a meeting with me to introduce themselves. They didn't recognize me at all and I didn't want to out myself by disclosing who I was, so I went along with it.

I don't like lying, and when they asked about my work history I was honest even though it created immediate suspicion (how could we have not worked together given when I started working and my job experience?), and I just shrugged. It's obviously a kind of deception to not out myself, and I don't like that - but my instincts say it's better in this context to not out myself.

Probably relevant to the context is that the boss is male, older, conservative, and an immigrant from a non-Western culture that is not open minded about these things.

I am pretty sure based on things they have said in the past that they wouldn't be tolerant of a trans person.

Anyway, to my trans elders: how have you handled situations like this?

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[-] dandelion 13 points 3 months ago

thank you, that's helpful ❤️

Even if they don't have a right to know I'm trans (completely get that, it's my private medical situation), there is a sense that I'm intentionally withholding truth relevant to the context, e.g. by going along and pretending I didn't know him, I'm at least being some kind of dishonest - I used to work for this person and I know them well, they should remember me.

And while it's risky and harmful to out myself in this situation, it's also risky to not be honest, since there's a good chance he could learn who I was before from just talking to people, since everyone here knew me pre-transition and anyone could tell him (and there are plenty of anti-trans people who know me who would be willing to do so, or even do so accidentally).

this post was submitted on 21 Apr 2025
59 points (100.0% liked)

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