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this post was submitted on 17 Apr 2025
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TransLater
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I started to transition at the age of 44. Wife, no kids (fortunately), and a semi-public career.
I held most of the fears that you do about passing, still have my doubts, but after 10 months of hrt, passing is much less of a concern.
Hormones have been the greatest antidepressant. Seeing my body slowly shift along with my emotions has been the greatest confirmation that I’m doing the right thing for myself. I actually feel like I want to live now. I want to keep going.
As far you should go. Who knows? That’s entirely up to every individual. Some people find peace in the mere realisation that they are trans and make no changes at all. Others need to socially and medically transition as quickly and completely as possible before they’re happy.
There are as many ways to transition as there are trans people. Try exploring a little bit with your presentation and see how that makes you feel. Just feel it out step by step and see what feels right for you. At this stage I might suggest not even thinking about it as transitioning to female but more about figuring out who you are as an individual.
Personally, I got on estrogen as quickly as possible. Months before I came out to friends and family (my wife knew from the start). 10 months later and I’m pretty much still boymoding but in women’s jeans and T-shirts.
My look is becoming rather androgynous though. I keep getting “the squint” as people try to get a read on me. 😆
Best thing to do is find a therapist who specialises in gender issues. Mine was invaluable in the early months.
This is why I started estrogen, I couldn't mentally handle thinking of starting HRT with the goal of becoming a woman, because I felt I never would be a woman and all of that was just too painful. So instead I set a more achievable goal: transition just to improve my mental health, just to feel better.
Estrogen made me life affirming for the first time since before puberty, I had no idea I was even depressed before, but I am so much happier and "normal" on estrogen. I had no idea this could be the case, I didn't even know trans people were impacted this way, it was shocking to me when I read about "biochemical dysphoria".
I remember after first taking estrogen that whether I was trans or not, I would happily take estrogen as a recreational drug. That was a bit clarifying, as no matter whether I decided to continue transition or to live as a woman, I knew that estrogen felt amazing and I wanted to keep taking it. That estrogen might someday make me look like a woman was just a bonus. :-)
Funny thing was, I was so scared of not passing that it took quite a few sessions in therapy to find the confidence to just ‘try’ hormones.
As the weeks passed and changes started I became more and more comfortable with transitioning. I remember a few weeks in there was a moment as if a switch was flicked in my brain and life went from black and white to colour. I was walking in the evening and started crying at how beautiful the sunset through the trees looked. I’d never experienced emotions like it!