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Anon is worried about men (sh.itjust.works)
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[-] madjo@feddit.nl 160 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

Well when men keep hearing “don’t approach us”, we shouldn’t be shocked when men don’t approach people.

[-] Steve@startrek.website 64 points 2 months ago
[-] SomGye@dormi.zone 47 points 2 months ago

Step 2 - don't be unattractive.

[-] SaharaMaleikuhm@feddit.org 15 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

I'm at 0/2 so far are there any more steps?

[-] mitchty@lemmy.sdf.org 12 points 2 months ago

Get a dog or cat or both.

[-] SomGye@dormi.zone 7 points 2 months ago

Step 3 - Repeat Step 1.

[-] ExtantHuman@lemm.ee 6 points 2 months ago
[-] surph_ninja@lemmy.world 22 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

Just be funny and not a piece of shit. My wife is so gorgeous, people immediately know I have a good sense of humor and I’m supportive. I’m certainly not rich.

Granted, this is not a good approach for the apps. You need to be able to sell yourself in person. Best dating strategy in this case is making many friends, and some of them will be charmed into attraction. If I were dating, speed dating would probably be workable for this approach.

[-] MisterFrog@lemmy.world 2 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)
  • Step 1. Be courteous
  • Step 2. Interact with people in general
  • Step 3. Ask our the people you're genuinely interested in, and feel you have some kind of connection with, respectfully, knowing rejection is okay

Repeat until you get a date.

Being attractive helps a lot. Obviously. But you can put effort into your appearance. More than anything your personality is the thing that will get you a date.

Having tried Tinder 12 years ago, once, around the time I became an adult, why you'd choose it over asking people out in real life is beyond me. Especially if you're not very attractive.

The meta is all off haha

[-] FatTony@lemmy.world 2 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

If there is one thing the internet has overwhelmingly seceded at it's convincing people that looks are absolutely everything. A lot of people I know tend to take their dating app experience as solid evidence of their romantic inaptitude. Even when it's all too well known they are scams designed to keep you on their platform for as long as possible.

I know that preaching about stepping up to women may feel like the same way as saying: "Just be attractive, bro." And if it does, to that I say: Do it and practise it for the sake of it. "That looks like a nice person, let's find out what they're about, for no damn reason at all."

Anyway, my two cents. And if it helps whenever you're scared of striking up a conversation just keep in mind: "The alternative is dating apps."

[-] Yerbouti@sh.itjust.works 35 points 2 months ago

Cry me a river. I've never heard a women say "don't approach me", but I've heard many say "don't be a douche" and "stop thinking you're a fucking victim".

[-] aphonefriend@lemmy.dbzer0.com 37 points 2 months ago

You already forgot the bear in the woods?

[-] trashgirlfriend@lemmy.world 19 points 2 months ago

The fact that yall are still this mad about this just proves that the entire point behind the thought experiment is right.

[-] newfie@lemmy.ml 9 points 2 months ago

The bear metaphor was obviously thinly veiled racism/xenophobia from the start. Lots of conservative/moderate women who are terrified of anyone who isn't white or who is "illegal"

[-] trashgirlfriend@lemmy.world 9 points 2 months ago

That's like 10 whole new levels of not getting it

[-] newfie@lemmy.ml 2 points 2 months ago

The goal was to increase fear of the "other" - which is a classic right wing tactic.

The bear meme was a conservative astroturfed campaign to push people right - which is why it appeared shortly before the 2024 US elections

[-] ExtantHuman@lemm.ee 5 points 2 months ago

That's...just no. Wtf? No.

Source: I've actually listened to women, in person, describe their reasoning, instead of making up my own justification for something like the incel community decided to do.

[-] newfie@lemmy.ml 4 points 2 months ago

The goal was to increase fear of the "other" - which is a classic right wing tactic.

The bear meme was a conservative astroturfed campaign to push people right - which is why it appeared shortly before the 2024 US elections

[-] ExtantHuman@lemm.ee 1 points 2 months ago
[-] newfie@lemmy.ml 4 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

No it isn't, it's literally what astroturfing is and how public relations campaigns are run. I know people who literally do shit like this for a living

Doesn't mean the original meme was created by an agency necessarily, but it certainly was boosted and amplified by conservatives to spark anger against PoCs/immigrants, and to build intergender resentment amongst men. Which worked wonderfully for Trump, as is evidenced by his strong performance with Gen Z men

[-] ExtantHuman@lemm.ee 1 points 2 months ago

No, the uniformed idiotic women hating fake rationalization you can see continuing throughout this very thread may have been spread to the Andrew Tate following incel crowd to further stoke their anger. But that's them capitalizing on their gullibility and refusal to speak to actual women about why they feel that way.

You probably said this thing was STARTED as a racist othering campaign. That's very different from someone trying to CHANGE an already existing narrative to suit their own ends. And none of those narratives were ever about race, it was always a gender thing.

[-] newfie@lemmy.ml 2 points 2 months ago

If you asked people to describe the skin color of the "man", i very much doubt most of them were thinking of a white man.

A white male Connecticut suburbanite isn't what is being thought of in their minds eye - it's a "thug" or an "illegal". Because the meme is racist, and anti-male sentiments manifest via violence against black and brown men

[-] ExtantHuman@lemm.ee 1 points 2 months ago

You do realize you just admitted to this being an assumption on your part, right? This is YOUR racism projecting onto this whole thing.

The fear of sexual assault that women share is not limited by skin color. They're not feeling at ease walking to their cars in a parking garage just because the man they see is white.

Seriously, do you even talk to women?

[-] newfie@lemmy.ml 2 points 2 months ago

You're missing the broader implications of the meme. It's not just about women feeling unsafe around men — that’s a real and valid experience — but this particular meme has been co-opted and amplified in ways that serve deeper political agendas.

It does racialize the threat, whether consciously or not. The ambiguity of “a man in the woods” leaves people to fill in the blanks with their own biases, and statistically, media and social conditioning prime many to imagine a Black or brown man — not a white suburban dad. That’s why this meme feeds into racist and xenophobic narratives, even if unintentionally.

Worse, it also primes men — especially men of color — to feel alienated and demonized. It reinforces the message that they are inherently threatening or unwelcome in public spaces. This isn’t just a feminist meme gone viral — it’s political fodder. Right-wing actors boosted this kind of content ahead of the 2024 elections to create division: stoking male resentment, amplifying racial tensions, and undermining solidarity between groups that might otherwise resist conservative agendas.

So yes, the fear of violence is real. But the weaponization of that fear — through memes like this — deserves serious scrutiny. Just because something resonates emotionally doesn’t mean it’s not being used strategically.

[-] Yerbouti@sh.itjust.works 13 points 2 months ago

IDK women are not scared of me. Maybe the problem is you? Maybe you're not the victim you think you are and you're just an ass?

[-] ExtantHuman@lemm.ee 7 points 2 months ago

Apparently you already forgot their reasoning behind it. A bear is a known quantity. Humans can lie to gain your trust, then turn on you. They weren't saying all men are bad, they were saying that meeting a stand man alone in the woods - you have no idea how this person will act.

[-] mosiacmango@lemm.ee 28 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

At the same time, lots of men are really shitty when they "approach" women.

"Don't approach us" is a response to men's behaviour, not the other way around.

this post was submitted on 02 Apr 2025
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