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My wedding band (self.mtf)
submitted 1 week ago by ncc21166 to c/mtf
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It finally happened. I lost so much weight that my tungsten-carbide wedding band doesn't fit anymore. It's definitely a 'masculine' design and felt like a good idea at the time. But since that material can't be resized and all the add-on sizing options are still too big, I'm at a loss for what to do. My spouse and I are still absolutely happily married and intend to remain that way. If anything, I think we've grown closer since I came out! I don't want to simply discard something that means so much to us both. I was hoping to hold out on buying a new one until my transition got to a point to renew our vows with my new name (and in a gorgeous dress!) but I'm curious if anyone else has been through this before? I was considering a necklace to hold onto it until then. I was about to type that I didn't want others to get the wrong impression about us (me with no ring, my spouse with the engagement ring and the band) out together but then I realized we're likely going to get awkward looks for a while anyway.

So, what do others think? What have you done if you've reached this point? Am I overthinking this?

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[-] Rhaedas@fedia.io 6 points 1 week ago

You're not overthinking, as it obviously means something to you if you're concerned about it. But in the end it's about what it means to you two, and that's it. Perhaps realizing that will downplay what you end up doing, or help you find a solution that works. Others have given some ideas to retain some show of connection, so there's answers out there if that's what you need.

For what it's worth, as a straight couple married for 35 years, I've worn my ring for almost all of that time. She stopped wearing hers years ago when it became annoying (probably for a similar reason as you, fitting well). In the past years through age my fingers changed in size and my ring had been there so long it has literally created a small groove it sat in. I could not take it off using any of the methods I found. It didn't bother me, but looking at it it was a concern, mostly to her as she envisioned a degloving incident at work (which is certain a problem even for rings that fit). Finally not too long ago I decided to go ahead and get it cut off (10 secs at a jeweler, no charge). I could expand it and wear it more, but it's not a huge deal to either of us and would cost money to...do what? Its absence on my finger (and hers all these years) means nothing to us. I will say it's been enough time where my finger has recovered and I can barely see where it was.

So...the rings and any other embellishments are symbolic between you two, and can mean as much or as little as you want it to.

[-] ncc21166 6 points 1 week ago

This is actually really sweet it in a way. I'm glad to know that others are comfortable just being outside of a "norm". We've been together over 20 years and I've had the same ring the whole time, but I preferred to remove it while working. In my line of work, I had the same fears about degloving or electrocution. It's gone the opposite direction for me though, in that it's now so large even the silicone wraparound sizers aren't big enough. I'll take your suggestions into consideration, though. I've always loved plants, and there is a Polynesian cultural practice of wearing flowers like a plumeria on one side of the hair to indicate marital status. Not as practical in the winter, but it's still something I think I'd enjoy.

this post was submitted on 31 Mar 2025
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