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I have so many feelings right now (self.mtf)
submitted 1 week ago by Acelia to c/mtf
15 comments fedilink hide all child comments

Hey everybody, sorry, I couldn't think of a more fitting title. I feel the need to share my mental progress. After a long time of thinking "maybe I am - just eventually - transgender", I decided to go down the rabbit hole a few days ago. It was a very suppressed thought and it took me quite some strength to overcome it. I peeked in the mtf community and discovered the gender dysphoria Bible. And I ingested it. Every bit felt like it's describing me directly. And that's filling me with very mixed feelings. Obviously one is fear. I am 30 years old. Am married and have three kids. I'm worried about my own future, as well as the future of my closest. But there is also a feeling of euphoria in the background. Some weird feeling that's telling me it's right and everything is going to be good. That feeling is guiding me in unknown directions. When I was buying groceries today, I felt a surprising confidence in my thoughts. But that also got me to a situation I did not expect. When I first saw my own reflection, I didn't see myself. Previously, my only thoughts about my reflection were not that bad, I was mainly dissatisfied by my looks. This was different. And that brought me to the decision to for now change my online representation. For now, just in this small area of my life, I am a woman. And that feels pretty right.

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[-] efertone 2 points 3 days ago

Obviously one is fear. I am 30 years old. Am married and have three kids. I’m worried about my own future, as well as the future of my closest.

I hope you get support from them. I started opening up to my wife after one of my kids was born because we had a lot of arguments, we went to therapy and there at the end we discussed a lot of things, one of them being I was extremely dysphoric during her pregnancy, and even after that, I felt a lot of pain. We talked about it, she was very supportive on the topic, we made an agreement that I start transitioning when it's required or at latest when I'm 40. When I was 36 she kinda pushed me to start transitioning, I was in a bad a shape in all possible ways. That was years ago. Both kids and my wife are very supportive, we are all happy, and NONE of us would ever consider revert to "the old life". Even when local politics and government forced me to stop taking meds (jailed one of the doctors who did care about us), when they passed bills to criminalise my existence, I was thinking about aborting it for the safety of our kids, and life. They were still there and supported me, and they told me don't even think about it.

tl;dr: 30 years old is NOT old at all. I hope your family supports you like mine did.

this post was submitted on 21 Mar 2025
73 points (100.0% liked)

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