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Transfem
A community for transfeminine people and experiences.
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Some helpful links:
- The Gender Dysphoria Bible // In depth explanation of the different types of gender dysphoria.
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- Trans Resistance Network // A US-based mutual aid organization to help trans people facing state violence and legal discrimination.
- TLDEF's Trans Health Project // Advice about insurance claims for gender affirming healthcare and procedures.
- TransLifeLine's ID change Library // A comprehensive guide to changing your name on any US legal document.
Support Hotlines:
- The Trevor Project // Web chat, phone call, and text message LGBTQ+ support hotline.
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- LGBT Youthline.ca // A Canadian LGBT hotline support service with phone call and web chat support. (4pm - 9:30pm EST)
- 988lifeline // A US only Crisis hotline with phone call, text and web chat support. Dedicated staff for LGBTQIA+ youth 24/7 on phone service, 3pm to 2am EST for text and web chat.
My dreams never were gendered on the self perspective. I suppose in my dream state, gender is not a thing I describe myself or others with. I don't use pronouns at all in my dreams either, my language processing is completely asleep when dreaming.
I don't have distinct memories of using gendered pronouns in my dreams, but I think that's because such things are somewhat in the background. However, I have the impression that language is used, speaking happens, and even reading and writing words happens (though often distorted by the dreamy qualities, such as difficulty seeing and making out words, or the words morphing and changing or disappearing altogether as I try to read them).
That said, it's clear to me what my gender was in my dream from the way I think about myself, the way I present myself, and so on. Since transitioning, increasingly in my dreams I become aware of my breasts and suddenly shift how I present in the world, and this shifting from male to female social roles based on body awareness is something that did not happen in my dreams pre-transition (no doubt because I didn't really experience my body causing me to be gendered a different way in real life, I was always just "male" in body and social role).
What is interesting to me is that you don't see the gender of others either - I feel as though my brain does a gendering and most people quickly are put in one box or another, and this is just as true in my dreams as in real life - in my dreams I certainly interact with men and women, even when I'm not particularly aware that the gendering is happening. If I think back on a dream I can think, oh, that was my mother in the dream (who I see as a woman, and who was just as much a woman to my awareness and mind in my dream as in real life, even if I was never particularly aware of that gendering happening).
Perhaps if I never pay attention to it, I could mistake myself for not gendering people, that I simply dream of my mother as the person they are without actually bringing gender into it at all - but I think this would be mistaking how I am actually thinking about such things, mistaking not paying particular attention for not having any awareness at all, even unconscious or subconscious awareness. Clearly in my dream I do not treat my mother like a man, I do not feel the pressure to masculinize for my safity in the way men in particular made me feel pre-transition, including the way my father and other men make me feel in my dreams. This is all true in the background even if I'm unaware or not particularly thinking about this.
Not that I'm saying this is what's happening in your case - just that it's hard for me to imagine not having some part of my awareness putting people in gendered boxes without my conscious awareness or effort, it just happens.