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General support/advice
(self.mtf)
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this post was submitted on 18 Jan 2025
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Transfem
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There is so much good advice already, I just wanted to add that you are not alone at all in this, a lot of us feel this way. I remember feeling terrified to leave my house in a dress, I remember trying to seek resources on how to live with such extreme feelings of vulnerability, fear, and shame. It's so hard, but I don't have any advice other than to push through it and keep engaging in gender affirming practices that alleviate dysphoria, because it does get better.
Even after the first time wearing a dress in public there was a massive difference in my anxiety and sense of vulnerability. People for the most part didn't care that I was wearing a dress, and it made it easier to dismiss or at least move past my fears. I then built on that small carved-out safety and kept pushing.
Just stay safe and keep having positive experiences, over time it improves.
I'm only a year into HRT and it's an immense difference now vs when I first started. I feel like a fairly normal person now and I can go in public and interact with anyone as a woman and it's not a big deal - they don't seem to notice I'm trans and I don't think too much about it. I still of course have to do more work than cis people, but even many cis women feel insecure going out in public without doing makeup, for example. Voice training is probably the area I have to do the most work, making sure I warm up the voice in the morning and doing my exercises, and then in interactions making sure my voice doesn't fall back too much or accidentally start to sound male.
It all started to get easier around 6 - 8 months in, which is when the hormones had worked enough that I started to pass more and more, and when my voice training seemed to break through and I was starting to be able to have phone calls without being misgendered and I was able to reliably produce a feminine enough voice. It all works together, the more feminine I look the less mistakes in my voice seem to matter, and the longer I go the more practice I have with my voice and the less likely I am to make mistakes. So just do what you can to ensure things are improving, even if slowly. It's about small and persistent changes over a long time.