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How do you do it?
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this post was submitted on 06 Jan 2025
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AuDHD
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A place for those that got both Autism and ADHD, those confirmed as one and are suspecting they got the other as well, and also everyone who is neither and just genuinely curious.
Since the combo comes with its own set of challenges, this shall be a place to ask for advice, vent, infodump about special interests and/or just vibe and meme.
Please be respectful. General niceness guidelines apply - formal rules will be added later if necessary.
In regards to medication and medical advice: Please take under consideration that this is only an online support community. Offered advice is always an expression of individual opinions or experiences and shall never be taken as substitute for a professional in-person assessment!
This is a SFW community. Sensitive topics are allowed, but must be properly labeled.
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It's not even really unique to Autistic people. Anyone who's burnt out/depressed will feel that way.
Right, just turned up to 11.
Edit to expand: One of the hallmark traits of autism is one or more Special Interests. Yes, everyone has those too. Autism turns them up to 11. They are often an integral part of one's routines. And/or an escape from them, especially when ADHD is added to the mix. If not tied up in one's identity in addition.
When depression gets bad enough to derail Special Interests, it can be devastating. It's not just run of the mill anhedonia. It's a removal of an entire support structure. One or more pieces of you are just... gone. All the stuff related to the Special Interest is still there (possibly even being surrounded by it), but none of the engagement. Just constant reminders of the parts of you that broke.
Autistic burnout is a whole other can of worms. It goes over and above the colloquial meaning of burnout. A vacation won't help. A job change won't help. It goes deeper than any of that. Again, turned up to 11.
Once these things start piling up, it's very difficult to do anything. To OP, I agree: nobody gets it. We exist in our own personal hells, and if we try to talk about it people will re-orient what we say into their own framework and start making false equivalencies. "Just do X." It can be a good-natured attempt to understand, or a dismissive invalidation. Either way it gets exhausting.
OP, I don't have any answers. I don't know what the point is. If it wasn't for my spouse I doubt I'd be here. I don't fit. 40+ years of trying to be a square peg, scrambling to fill in all the corners on demand, has me drained. Nothing I do has ever been enough. I'm tired.
I wish you the best. Truly.
You nailed it. Now, with half a life-time of trauma, masking and dead-end jobs, it seems there's no getting those interests back.
This right here. So tired of trying to talk to anyone not on the spectrum about it anymore.
Yeah, hanging on not to dissappoint loved ones, is how I'd put it. Feels all kinds of wrong.
Thanks, to you too.