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this post was submitted on 24 Oct 2024
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Nobody asked, but as a gay man I exclusively refer to my husband as "my husband." I never liked the term "partner." We didn't start a business together, and we're not cops. "Life partner" bothers me less, but it still seems stilted
My partner said the exact same thing. I've always preferred "partner" - it just sounds nicer, like more respectful, egalitarian. We're mixed gender so it's wife/husband, which just sounds so old-fashioned
n+1 here, but I'm a bi woman married to a straight man and I've started using partner more recently because there's a lot of baggage in the history of power dynamics associated with the titles of husband and wife.
I also hope it makes people think for a minute if they need to ask me clarifying questions about my marriage status or sexuality/how the person I'm married to identifies.
At the same time, I totally understand the impact of not using generic words when it comes to gay marriage, where there was such a long fight to be recognized as husband and husband. So cheers to you and your husband!
Thank you, you've summed up a good clash of feelings around these terms with great economy.
When I (male) use the term wife to describe my relationship, I don't want to contribute to this feeling that I'm pulling for the default in an exclusionary kind of way. Like contributing to this cultured of presumed heteronormativity.
Better in my case to leave a little unsaid, so as to make room for other kinds of relationships.
I miss when my gay friends all called their partners "lovers".
As in literally if they were introducing their boyfriend, it was never "this is my boyfriend Chris" it was "this is Chris, my lover."
No idea if it was just a local thing but it was just so, well, lovely.
Same. Gay and married to "my husband". Before that he was my boyfriend, not my partner.
Yes, my boyfriend! It seems so odd when I see straight people use the term partner. Well, as far as I'm concerned, they can have it.
My girlfriend isnt a girl anymore. She is a woman. So I think the term girlfriend is weird and childish
Yeah, and "womanfriend" has a real incel vibe to it.
As a man who has used the term partner in a heterosexual relationship, sometimes it is nice to have a term that implies a bigger commitment than “girlfriend” when you have no intention of marriage. That was definitely how I used it—to convey that this woman doesn’t have a ring, but I give her maximum authority when it comes to my affairs.
Can't relate. I grew up thinking marriage would always be illegal for me. When I had the opportunity, I took it.
I’m glad you had that chance. Marriage is something I never particularly wanted, but I was brought around to the idea by a different lady. Now we are in counseling and things are on the rocks…I think I may still not believe in marriage, but I respect everyone’s right to choose for themselves.
Hey man.
I hope that whatever happens with you and your wife, that you'll be happy and have a bright and good future.
Thanks, I appreciate that. It’s a weird thing when two intelligent people with good intentions suddenly experience a breakdown in communication, but I’m hoping that is what the counseling can help with.