I havent gone swimming in around a decade, and now that I'm a little over a year post up I really want to but I'm still so nervous to actually go and buy a swimsuit. 😅 there's something intimidating or nerve wracking about the process.

Anyone have experiences buying swimsuits? Is there any tips going in I should know? I think I know what style I want, a 2 piece with high waisted bottoms and a top with an underwire.

As promised yesterday, here's probably the first photo I've ever posted of myself

@mtf Got to give love to all the blahaj, one by one :BlahajWavingTransFlag:

@mtf Do I look like a cute girl like this😇😇

@mtf I got given a new dress today, how do I look?

So, I got fed up with waiting for the review and decided to just upload this book to archive.org.

This is a short-ish (80 pages) novel I wrote some time ago. It's quite different from the poems I've been sharing so far, but I hope you'll enjoy it as well. It was mostly born out of wanting to see more stories of (and by) trans women like me.

The story is called "The witches of Galree" and it's set in medieval times, where a famous sword fighter, who's going through a crisis despite having an objectively good life, meets a group of trans witches who learned how to create a feminizing potion. Our protagonist sees some hope of answering his existential questions by seeking advice with their leader, Julia, a wise but enigmatic woman, who agrees to help while warning that the path of self-discovery is never an easy one.

It should be noted that the characters suffer a fair amount of prejudice in the story, so this is not necessarily an easy read.

I think part of my hopelessness is that I am realizing hrt has not done anything to my face, I figured this out since I am still pretty recognizable. the only thing hrt has done for me is give me boobs, which usually results in hey dead name, you should loose some weight when i am recognized in public. I just feel hopeless and I want this nightmare to end.

How are we all doing today? I would love to hear how everyone's day is going!

Polish:

L.A. Colors Mermaid Magic CNL72 Sea Life L.A. Colors Color Craze Gel CNP500 Stardom (The 2nd one is just gel-like so anyone without a UV light can use it!)

Hello everyone, I just got my test results back and everything seems to be good, although I'm slightly concerned that my prolactin is too low, it's at 9ng/mL.

I looked up prolactin online and it seems it regulates breast growth and pregnancy, could low prolactin levels slow my breast growth?

I saw a post on Reddit but don't have an account anymore. They gave a pad to a cis lady that asked for one and was asked why they had one.

My question for post op people. Do you use a pad or have discharge? I wear a liner everyday. I don't have much on it after the whole day but it's still something that I don't want on my underwear. Maybe I need to do the silver nitrate stuff again on the bit of granulation skin?

This was the biggest trans community I could find with the search function, and I am transfem (male to goddess), so hope it fits

I love this color, too :)

I cover my face before stepping outside,
And don't say a word, so my voice won't be pried.
I try to blend in, and pray they can't tell
-- As if I'm a thief who escaped from her cell.
My old mask was blue.
    I'm glad that it fell.
My new mask is pink.
    I still need to hide.

From closet to stealth
Does no good to your health.
For people like me, this country looks bleak;
If others could see, they'd just see a freak.
My new mask is pink.
    It does make me think.
My old mask was blue.
    What else could I do?

One day they won't tell just by looking at me,
But that doesn't mean that I'm finally free.
My new mask will then be etched to my face:
They'll give me a past that never took place.
My old mask was blue.
    A terrible guise.
My new mask is pink.
    The mask is in their eyes.

-- Lady Scarecrow

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.sdf.org/post/16848687

This is the new home for help with trans voice training. I'm excited to go on this journey with all of you <3

CW - short mention of unsupportive parent, very supportive sibling, weddings, boymoding, and emotional dissonance.

So, I am a mid-30s babytrans woman about 50 days into HRT and (most days) I have never been happier. But I had an experience recently that has thrown me for a loop. I went to my brother's wedding and didn't feel comfortable girlmoding (to the extent of my limited abilities) because of an unsupportive parent who would be there.

I explained that to my brother way ahead of time and he was extremely supportive (he said something like "be whoever you want to be" and that limiting conflict at his wedding was not necessary bc I am who I am, and straight-up offered to throw down and cut off contact with the unsupportive parent if that is what I wanted). I didn't feel comfortable with the conflict potential though, and I REALLY did not want to make his wedding be about me, so I just boymoded.

But then he went out of his way to get the unsupportive parent out of the way for a few minutes to get a group photo of all the girls at the wedding with their photographer, specifically including me, and I found out that it was a group effort and the only reason they even did a group photo of all the girls was to actively include and support me.

I held it together decently, then cried my eyes out in private afterwards, and had a hard time articulating to them how much it meant to me afterwards.

But now, a handful of days afterwards, I feel weirdly pathetic. Crying, overflowing with gratitude and joy, for something that SHOULD just be the normal default. Like, I feel like someone gave me a kidney or something, not like someone just treated a girl like a girl. So now I feel bad that I feel good, and it is hard to parse everything. And now I feel mad at myself for not just letting myself feel happy. Hormones kicking my ass probably aren't helping. In the old days, I would absolutely have been able to just use willpower to set one feeling over to the side and feel the other, but my emotions are far too present and attached to do that any more.

So, the advice I am seeking - I am wondering if any of you have a mindset or a way to mentally frame it that I can try to adopt to help with the dissonance of everything, and just let myself feel happy. I can't set it aside any more, but I can recontextualize the situation and let my feelings change themselves... I just don't know what to recontextualize TO that doesn't dimish the kindness and support, but also doesn't diminish my own unsteady feeling that I have an innate right to be a woman.

And holding both at once (plus a couple of other things not mentioned above) is too much at once. I took a sick day today because I can't focus on anything because too many feelings are screaming at me.

Hi! This is an older pic of me. I think it was from around 2013 with a bad cell camera and a silly makeup app. Weirdly, it is still the best one I've got of myself even after having fully transitioned shortly after the pic was taken. Anyway, my biggest dysphoria is with my voice. I've spent over a decade on make it "pass". I'd like to know if there is interest in making a community for voice help (there are similar on Reddit).

This has been my biggest hurdle, and if I could feasibly help others, or other people could help each other that would be fantastic. Simple voice recordings uploaded to free sites with feedback are, in my opinion, very valuable as you need to be able to interact with people on a daily basis and looks alone will not get you there.

In short, I'd just like to know if there is interest for a community where we can help each other not be "outed" for simply trying to speak.

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.blahaj.zone/post/12099240

I can't help but think at night
Of that which never was, but might.

I've faced the demons deep inside
And found the answers that they hide.
But if I'd known it all back then,
Just think how much it could've changed...

It took so long to find the way
That most are trailing every day,
And now they seem so far ahead.
I miss the past I've never had,
Where all I took so long to see
Were always clear, and I'd be free.

How can I catch up with the rest?
How can I make up for the past?
Is it too late to change my fate?
Have I missed the train of luck?
Has life gone by while I was stuck?

-- Lady Scarecrow

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.dbzer0.com/post/20219544

Link to the survey itself: https://www.smartsurvey.co.uk/s/GenderCensus2024

I sent her a coming out letter while I was in school. Later I saw that she sent me a message but I was too scared to look at it at first.

She said that she need some time to clear things in her head but will always support and love me, that she will help and that everything will be good. She also said that we will talk about this when we are alone.

It made me so happy. Knowing that at least one person will support me makes things easier. It's such a big step.

Edit: After I finished my launch she hugged me, we stayed like that for a long time. From her breathing I knew this is hard for her as I expected. She said same things she said in her messages and added that she is happy I told her how I feel.

If you are having issues finding housing as a trans person or would like to help others, consider joining this new matrix chat room.

I’ve recently been helping some folks with their housing needs and thought that creating a network could be incredibly helpful. By pooling our resources, whether it’s sharing links, tips, or even just advice, we can support each other more effectively. ❤️

We have a privacy-focused collaborative document to organize our resources and ideas. It'll grow over time. 📄

Let’s make this a supportive space for everyone! 🌸

Sharing and updoots appreciated!

    Question

A question fills my head.
Were I a girl instead
-- Same book, but different cover --
Would you become my lover?
Or would we still be friends?

Now, I ask: don't get me wrong.
I love our friendship, and it's strong.
I love it when I make you smile,
Even for a little while.
I love it when I'm at your side.
Our conversations make my day.
And nothing makes me feel more pride
Than impressing you some way.

Now, I wonder: can you tell?
How you make me feel so well?
That this smile is just for you?
And if you knew, then what you'd do?

Now, I know that you are straight.
And we're both guys, so we won't date.
So a question fills my head.
Were I a girl instead...

Note: I wrote this poem before realizing I'm a trans woman, which is why I'm calling myself a guy in there, but I'm absolutely not one. I have since learned that gender isn't just a matter of a "different cover" -- it's definitely part of the book.

-- Lady Scarecrow

So my wife and I have been trying to work through the practicality of me coming out. She's been having trouble perceiving me as female, which, like, I still have a beard, so I get it. She's bi, but also believes that homosexuality is a sin, so she's been trying to work though what we would look like. I've been trying to break apart the rigid gender roles a bit, and told her last night that I don't mind our kids calling me "dad" even if I go full fem, I have no problem with she/her/dad. Like, I'm the sperm donor, not the one who carried them for nine months. She thought that was great and asked about husband, because she really would rather have a husband than a wife. I told her that I'd really prefer wife, as husband is rather ick for me, so we are still working on that point.

Long preamble, sorry, but this morning as we were telling each other about our dreams last night and our visions for the future, she said "I envision myself in the future with my husband, and she's beautiful"

I think that's the first time I've been gendered correctly by my wife, and it feels so good. I think we are going to make it. I'm going to have my kayak and heat it too. I'll be able to transition without losing those closest to me. My vision of the future has never looked so bright, growing into old ladies together and showing people with our lives that "Queer Christians" is not an oxymoron.

I don't know why I keep this mask.
It doesn't fit me -- it never has.
And now I've figured out this mess,
It seems to fit me even less.
I would much rather wear a dress...

But where I'm from, the risk's too high.
When I still look like a guy
(In many ways -- I hate them all),
If I step outside the door
With these clothes that I adore,
What sort of danger would I call?

But I can't waste my life away
And live a lie until the day
I'll get to look a certain way.

In the end, it's up to me
To find the courage that I need
And be the girl I wish to be.

-- Lady Scarecrow

Did you have a tipping point between realizing you were trans and you started HRT?

As in, when you de oded to start, what did that moment look like for you?

I think I'm a point where I'm more interested in trying, but have a lot of fears holding back, which I think makes it feel like I want it less than I do.

I was talking to some others about this and it made me realize I think I want it a lot more than I thought.

Does any of that make sense, or am I just rambling? 😅

started HRT in January of 2022, is it safe to say all major changes are done, and I'll always kinda look ugly and there is nothing HRT can do.

Also sorry I made a similar post where I had the years wrong I think.