For some reason, this reminded me of the time when my mum decided to try trimming our long-haired German Shepherd for the summer. She just wanted to snip a bit off, ended up having to give him a once-over with an electric trimmer because she did it hilariously uneven while freehanding the grooming scissors. It wasn't a buzz cut, not that close, but... pretty damned close!

My guy was a happy camper after that, though! I think he enjoyed the newfound nudity!

"Because it really gets you, y'know?"

I say double them digits, babe!

Me! Me, me, me, I wanna be Pope! I know, like... religion and shit, I can do it! Put me on the field, coach, I'm ready!

Edit: to sweeten the pot, first thing I'd do would be bring back all the good shit from the Old Testament - kill money, the rich are the Devil's butt warts, reinstate virtues, "make Heaven over here, ya' idjuts," the lot!

And I'll also respect the time-honoured tradition of interpreting dogma however the fuck I feel like! And I'll choose to interpret it as an MLP episode, where Friendship and Empathy are the true heroes! Open up the churches to everyone, turn all cemeteries into nature reserves, God says all shapes and sizes of marriage are legal, Meme Dump Sundays after Mass, "Jesus would say 'what the fuck,' too," focus on love! Make Catholicism Hippie again!

I fucking hate this timeline... I always fall for ridiculous memes about Conservatives, because, like, Conservatives almost literally cannot be outdone in the sheer quality of stupidity they're putting out.

This is without a doubt something I would downright expect from Prager U, in all seriousness.

How can this even be parodied? It even covers sarcasm, ffs...

Depending on texture, that may be either surprisingly yummy, or disturbingly disgusting.

Disclaimer: not calling myself smart or anything.

I always found chess boring, for some reason. Like, not because it is too complex, but because it isn't complex enough, in a way. As an example, the first time I tried my hand at Medieval II: Total War, I fell in love with all things strategy.

I still can't do chess, though... It's like my mind goes to its happy place halfway through a match and I start making moves just to progress the game and be done with it. Gimme a 4X game, and I'd need reminders to pee every 12 hours.

No, thanks! You can keep him!

Guess I'll just die, then!

I don't even know why I bother with this train of though at this point, but I just can't figure out if he seriously believes the shit he's spouting, or if he's just playing up the shock value like an edgelord. I mean, it's clear he's way dumber than he thinks himself to be, but I can't get the nuance in it...

Hah! Had something very similar happen to me in high-school.

Had this very metal friend, and being the hormonal teenager I was, I kinda' lusted pretty badly after her. I didn't do or say anything about it, getting along and having someone with whom to chat during metal concerts and while hanging out at the local dive spot for people with such inclinations was enough.

We used to hang out a lot after class, she was one year younger so we had similar schedules. She sorta' hinted that she "didn't dislike" me every now and again, but had a... tumultuous repertoire of random relationships, so my gut told me to hang back. She not once invited me over to her place, though. Until one afternoon when she did.

It was nearing the summer vacation, it was a torrid day from the start, the dive was closed for "renovations" (meaning someone probably puked over the bar again), so we were just sitting aimlessly on a random curb, thinking about what to do. She presented the idea of schmoozing over to hers for a toke and a comedy. My beautiful brain instantly dismissed any 'nefarious' potentialities and set itself to "friendly."

We got over to hers, rolled one up, she selected some Adam Sandler comedy (I honestly don't remember which one, they all blend together in my memory...), and we started happily baking. About halfway through the movie, she tells me she's headed for the washroom to freshen up. I don't even think I registered the though, I just kept absorbing the movie.

She comes out ten minutes later, buck naked and confident. Says nothing and starts returning to the couch. I swivel my head toward her as I felt she was coming, and get but a flash of flesh. My right hand instantly flies to my eyes, I start spouting panicked apologies and a jumble of "fucks" and "shits," then I hurry toward the front door while keeping my eyes covered.

I realised what had happened several months later. She didn't say anything about that afternoon again, and neither did I. We continued hanging out for a couple more years, I think.