i know it’s not just “teenage hormones” (18f). i cannot yet be given a diagnosis on anything though i will be talking to a psychiatrist. this is really fucked up, i hate this so much.

i’ll be full of energy, all these ideas and motivation. i’ll talk really fast and have no need for sleep.

then, i’ll get depressed. i was doing GREAT all week and today, but now i’m about to cry simply because my friend only spends time with her friend group and never me. i was mad at that and suddenly ready to block everyone but i feel guilty and im mad at myself for being this way.

i know she can hang out with her trio, i know we’re still friends. i normally wouldn’t be mad but i truly think i’m going insane.

khía-núe síin séne? ni síin óa 😊

so my ex kayla (20f) is someone i got back together with after she changed and stopped being a dick towards me after we broke up the first time when she was 18 and i was ~17 (i’ll be 19 this year).

now, she’s a very nice person to me, and i broke up with her because we stopped talking to each other and i therefore lost feelings for her. i didn’t use social media much let alone group chats, and she didn’t private message much.

when i could/wanted to, i’d try to message but she’d often be doing something else or already in the middle of the convo. before we broke up, it turns out she was seeing another girl without my permission or consent because “she’s poly” (we gotta let each other know before we can date someone, that was the agreement. i did it for her but she didn’t for me).

we broke up and she moved on quickly because “oh at least i have 2 other women i like” and she didn’t even have feelings for me after we dated?? (she had feelings at 18 when she was a bully, but not at 20). neither of us like each other that way, but it hurts that she found someone else so quickly, didn’t feel that way for me, and didn’t even tell me about her new gf before we broke up

the woman who hurt me for years always finds a way to blame me for things. things are never her fault, and she thinks i’m disgusting or inferior because of my disabilities.

she’s nice to everyone else regardless of their disability, but they either have adhd or autism + adhd so maybe autism + bipolar isn’t “one of the good diagnoses”.

she’s charismatic so everyone defends her. they either don’t know about her or dont care as long as she isn’t hurting them because they love her so much.

she flirts with all her friends and told me I was too “disgusting” to flirt with and that she “hates threesomes” and that we “weren’t close enough to be friends” even though she finds me “too inferior” to even try and be my friend.

she’s fixated on me to an extent it feels, going out of her way to piss me off, make me jealous/hurt, making rude “jokes” (which are more annoying than hurtful) but then acting like she does this with all her friends.

she tries to be friends with my friends in a weird way, such as being overly nice and touching their shoulder/head, and it has been reported several times that she is somewhat creepy towards children irl and especially online and will go out of her way to follow and “befriend” children under 13 on social media apps. she has also defended people who like children romantically and saying that their romance should be okay.

I keep trying to give her the benefit of the doubt and holding onto hope that she’s a good person who just suffered a lot and that she actually likes me, but I know she doesn’t and I get hurt every time I give her that benefit.

seriously, someone I know caused me to show signs of ptsd which was later diagnosed and i feel actually anxious and nauseous around her with constant nightmares of her but apparently that’s okay that shes causing me to feel that way because “she was just having a bad day” and “there’s nothing wrong with an introvert being distant to people”.

because being introverted = harming someone to the point they have ptsd. and since she was having a bad day and the poor woman suffers so much, of course it should be okay!!

it’s sick how badly abusing someone for years for their disability and thinking they’re disgusting and deserve death goes unpunished.

i’ll refrain from overposting but i’m a bit scared. kayla (20f) is my gf and (idk if she still is) but was a huge trump supporter. she was quite cruel to me because i first dated her as a trans man and she accused me of sexual harassment after we broke up.

we got back together and have been dating for quite some time (about 11 months) but we barely talk. she only plays video games and talks to her friends, so i barely chat with her, she rarely responds, and i don’t use Discord a lot where i chat with her.

i asked if this would work out and if she would prefer it if we were just friends, but im scared that she’ll accuse me of things again and make harassment/slander of me because i said that

So, my ex Issac (19nb, ~16nb at the time) [pronouns he/they] was my friend from therapy group. He was really friendly towards me (and handsome!) so I (at the time 15f) started to have a slight crush on him.

At one point, he casually mentioned that he had a partner, so I decided not to proceed any further and let the feelings die.

Since, at the time, his phone got taken away, I couldn’t get any contact information from him, when he left the group and therapy group ended with the leader getting a new job somewhere else, I didn’t see Issac for a while.

I moved on forever. I didn’t like him anymore and never would that way, or so I thought.

I still go to therapy, just with a new therapist. While I was waiting to talk to her one day, I saw Issac again playing a video game on his phone. I was ecstatic, and started chatting with him.

I got his contact information and we started to become friends again. Issac became the kind of guy with a ton of friends, but he’s also dependent on drugs and alcohol, and was high or drunk (or both) 75% of the time we called.

Issac is currently dating a man, Ryan. However, Issac’s bi, so he can also be attracted to women. I found out I was one of those women, and it clearly ruined our friendship.

Talking to him, I started to gain old feelings, though I didn’t realize it until the day he confessed.

He confessed on a call that he liked me, and wondered what I would do if he “hypothetically did”. I said I wouldn’t care, because I liked him too and started liking him a few years back and a few months after we met.

I knew about his BF Ryan, but since he said that he was in an open relationship, I (wrongly) took that to mean Ryan was okay with him seeing other people.

Issac asked me later if we were official, and I said yes.

For a few days, we had a honeymoon stage, where we would be very happy and he would discuss how pretty I was and how badly he wanted to kiss me. This phase quickly faded.

He started to almost completely cut contact with me and act very anxious, apparently because he felt bad that Ryan didn’t even know about us.

He eventually told Ryan, who said he’d have to think about it, and then said they were exclusive, so we broke up.

I was upset for many reasons, but Issac was just like “I like him more than you?! I’m already dating him!!”

I still like him as we just broke up but I’m trying to move on. I can’t even talk about things because Issac is just completely leaving my messages on read, saying he’s typing, then not responding.

my bf is poly and already has a bf, so he doesn’t want to initiate anything with me. he doesn’t wanna call nor hang out, and he always texts very dry. he’s nice, but i don’t feel loved.

I’m not doing well mentally though. my gf already ignores me (she and i are poly too) and i feel like i will die if he breaks up (though i clearly won’t die)

there’s some days where she’ll want to talk to me, follow my accounts, say things to me, and then call me an annoying b*tch.

she’s nice in public, i’m assuming so others don’t think she’s mean, but what i mainly don’t understand is why she talks to me since she hates me so much and did nothing but harm me.

normally, i would, but what point is there? even if she has a bad day, she’s not going to learn her lesson. she has diagnosed npd and a bunch of other mental illnesses (untreated) and cannot accept fault.

even if she is sad, NO amount of sadness she has will be as large as the damage she’s done, nor will it fix anything at all.

so many people say they support me even if i have autism and bipolar. they say they don’t mind, that they want to help me. they’re lying. they take it for granted, think i’m weird for something i cant control, take advantage of me and abuse me.

my friend lied about being this very supportive person who believes in equality. she hates me for being bipolar and autistic. she lied.

a girl broke up with me because im bipolar. she called me a creep and a psychopath.

she yells at me for everything. she hits me (not hard) ruins my mental health, doesnt want me talking to anyone besides her.

she says everyone hates me, that only she likes me. then she said that me not knowing social skills and being mentally ill was stupid and that im a terrible person. she told me i should die.

she hates me bc i have a disability, she tried to strangle me once and claim it was a joke. i hate her so much. i have to see her every day.