Yes, that's what I meant. One month of being fully healed, and the feelings of doubt and regret has gotten worse in that time.

It's one month of being fully healed, no soreness or pain anymore. I'm sorry I worded that badly I wasn't and still aren't very well composed. I also do have dyslexia which can make writing difficult and some people won't understand me.

I'll look for one. I don't know how much it'll help but it's worth a try I guess. Thank you.

Screw you! if I wanted to have people dismiss my experiences and validity I would go back to the transphobes on Reddit!

Oh, @ada@lemmy.blahaj.zone @LadyAutumn@lemmy.blahaj.zone I'm sorry My bad. I've been very volatile lately. I'm hurting very badly lately.

A lot of the discussions I had with mental health professionals were largely me telling then the things I thought would get me bottom surgery. I thought and was told that I needed bottom surgery to be valid. I was told many things, including that it was required for legal gender change, and that I could be assaulted by someone for having the wrong genitals.

I never actually felt any dysphoria about my penis or testicles, I was told that "numbness" is a form of dysphoria and that I would feel better once I was post-OP but it felt like the worst decision in my life. I was told that's normal and I would feel better as I heal but I didn't it just got worse.

I thought that getting bottom surgery would be as people said, that it would suck while I was healing but it would get better and I would feel more like a woman. I don't feel any more or less like a woman than before but I do feel disgusted and disgusting about what I have now, and I feel sad and miss having a dick and balls.

I hate those cis people you talk of, they are disgusting. They gave me so much fake support on Reddit and all of them told me that I feel bad because I'm a boy and just coping by pretending to be a girl. They refused to call me she/her pronouns saying I need to heal from the delusion. Fuck those people. I hate those people. I probably do need to see a therapist, I don't want to see the ones I was seeing before. They just told me to give it time and that I would adjust. That going through this is normal. Even when I came in one day with stitches in my hand because I broke my bedroom mirror out or disgust and sadness of seeing myself naked after the shower.

@LadyAutumn@lemmy.blahaj.zone @ada@lemmy.blahaj.zone Why remove my comment?

I was told by people I know and in support groups that it was the next stage and that if I didn't I wouldn't ever feel like a real woman. I was told that I would be seen as a man by others and that I could be assaulted by people I meet and hook up with. I don't really know, I guess I believed the shit people told me and thought it was the right thing to do. It was not.

I miss peeing while standing up. I miss... (People will think I'm a troll for this)

I miss just having it in general. Seeing myself with a dick back then I never thought anything of it, but seeing myself with this disgusting hole in my crotch just makes me want to vomit, and always makes me cry. I look so disgusting, I know other people don't think I would look disgusting if they saw me naked but I look disgusting to myself with a vagina. I hated it so much that I ended up breaking my bedroom mirror out of anger, sadness, and disgust. Tore a 2 inch gash in my hand doing that.