284
submitted 2 years ago by Stamets@lemmy.world to c/tumblr@lemmy.world
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[-] Blahaj_Blast 34 points 2 years ago
[-] InRlyehDreaming@programming.dev 44 points 2 years ago

"I hope this email finds you before I do"

[-] sagrotan@lemmy.world 1 points 2 years ago

Stupid. They will dig it out in court. Only personal and in private.

[-] ChairmanMeow@programming.dev 28 points 2 years ago

"I'm going to teach you that having kneecaps is a privilege, not a human right".

[-] AceFuzzLord@lemm.ee 4 points 2 years ago

Tom Nook? Is that you?

[-] 2deck@lemmy.world 25 points 2 years ago
[-] Stretch2m@lemm.ee 4 points 2 years ago

Take it easy there, Satan.

[-] sagrotan@lemmy.world 1 points 2 years ago

You're a mean bastard. Hehe

[-] Snapperhead@lemmy.world 16 points 2 years ago
[-] knightmare1147@lemmy.world 3 points 2 years ago

General well wishes with zero actual threat that come off as extremely threatening

[-] iamjackflack@lemm.ee 16 points 2 years ago
[-] Wogi@lemmy.world 2 points 2 years ago

I will upper decker your favorite toilet

[-] mojofrododojo@lemmy.world 2 points 2 years ago

I'm going to show your toilet #3.

[-] Kolanaki@yiffit.net 15 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago)

I used to RP a character in Ultima Online that would threaten people with "I'm going to remove your larynx through your sphincter."

[-] hswolf@lemmy.world 3 points 2 years ago

Okay, I'll not comment on your comments anymore, I just realized that's extremely silly

[-] NakariLexfortaine@lemm.ee 14 points 2 years ago

"I will stare into your eyes even after you blink".

[-] ShunkW@lemmy.world 11 points 2 years ago

"I want to collect your shadow"

It's from the band Craft's song I Want To Commit Murder. Pretty great black metal.

[-] MagnyusG@lemmy.world 4 points 2 years ago

Sounds more creepy romantic than threatening, like something a stalker would say.

[-] GabrielBell12fi@lemmy.world 10 points 2 years ago

There's a repeated line in "Once Upon A Time" that is supposed to be romantic, but taken from another point of view is very unsettling.

"I will find you. I will always find you"

[-] Dasus@lemmy.world 10 points 2 years ago
[-] Only_Slightly_Bent@lemm.ee 9 points 2 years ago

I'll hit you until I pass out

[-] Evil_incarnate@lemm.ee 8 points 2 years ago

I will salt your papercuts.

I will grate your cheese.

I shall end your bloodline, with a spoon.

[-] mojofrododojo@lemmy.world 3 points 2 years ago

I will grate your cheese.

I mean I'm making quesadillas so that'd be great... er, very nice of you.

the spoon thing tho that's pretty good

[-] littlebluespark@lemmy.world 2 points 2 years ago

"... Why a spoon, cousin?"

[-] DaCrazyJamez@sh.itjust.works 8 points 2 years ago

"I'm about to become the reason your children will have nightmares"

[-] MadBob@feddit.nl 7 points 2 years ago

Where I'm from, there's the expression "you'd look good in a binbag", which is supposed to mean that you'd even look good wearing a binbag, but I've always thought it sounds like someone wants to chop you up and throw you in the bin.

[-] SrTobi@feddit.de 7 points 2 years ago

When asked what their biggest fear is most people say stuff like "spiders" and "heights"... And I'm always like "why is never anyone thinking about being tortured to death?" is there something worse? I doubt it

[-] rockerface@lemm.ee 7 points 2 years ago

Being tortured almost to death is worse, because, once you recover, they can do it all over again

[-] tooclose104@lemmy.ca 4 points 2 years ago

Being tortured to death and brought back multiple times then set free. No amount of therapy will guide you out of the woods after that.

[-] medgremlin@midwest.social 6 points 2 years ago

One of my go-to phrases is "Imma feed you to a cow".

[-] mojofrododojo@lemmy.world 3 points 2 years ago

this is a great threat, anyone who's watched cows eat, regurgitate, and re-eat, would be horrified.

[-] Cosmos7349@lemmy.world 5 points 2 years ago

I did once have someone come at me while saying "I WILL RIP YOUR EYEBROWS OUT"

[-] ThatWeirdGuy1001@lemmy.world 5 points 2 years ago

My personal favorite is:

"I will walk through you"

[-] JayDee@lemmy.ml 5 points 2 years ago

"when I'm finished, you're gonna be in multiple time zones at once."

[-] KISSmyOS@feddit.de 4 points 2 years ago
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[-] agent_flounder@lemmy.world 4 points 2 years ago

You will go nicely with the lamp base I just bought.

[-] Aggravationstation@lemmy.ml 4 points 2 years ago

One I've always wanted to try is "I will keep punching you until I break through your head."

[-] Seleni@lemmy.world 3 points 2 years ago

I always liked Digger’s threat to Herne: ‘and furthermore, should you hurt its feelings, I will smelt ore with your bones, understand?’

[-] southsamurai@sh.itjust.works 3 points 2 years ago

Eh, I wouldn't call those unsettling. Humorously over the top to me.

Something more akin to "I will fucking beat you until you shit yourself" is unsettling. Going with "I will shove a dildo studded with tacks in your ear" is just absurd.

[-] mojofrododojo@lemmy.world 2 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago)

"I'mma punch you so hard you're gonna forget tomorrow." heard this once tossed out, he didn't 'win' as other guy had ground game and it was quickly broken up, but it stuck with me. good ol barracks fights. everyone loses.

[-] A_Union_of_Kobolds@lemmy.world 2 points 2 years ago

Some shit Dennis would say

[-] littlebluespark@lemmy.world 2 points 2 years ago

I will unfuck your mother.

[-] Adalast@lemmy.world 2 points 2 years ago

My favorite: Don't make me shove a straw in your carotid to see how far I can make the blood fountain shoot.

[-] Hyperreality@kbin.social 2 points 2 years ago
[-] Cold_Brew_Enema@lemmy.world 2 points 2 years ago

I will fuck your throat hole

[-] mojofrododojo@lemmy.world 2 points 2 years ago

it just doesn't communicate threat to people that are into it. You toss that out as you're squaring off and someone goes "Oh shit I didn't know this was foreplay-" and starts putting on chap-stick, like, that's gonna wreck your whole plan

[-] sagrotan@lemmy.world 2 points 2 years ago

"I'll send your teeth brush to the unemployment office" or "Carmine, you sit in the front seat, I wanna stretch my legs", I for myself like to use "you have my undivided attention now", freaks people out. Don't have to use it very often, one or 2 times in my life in earnest. Add Jack Nicholson smile for good measure.

[-] BananaPeal@sh.itjust.works 2 points 2 years ago

I will tongue punch your fart box.

[-] mojofrododojo@lemmy.world 5 points 2 years ago

I think there's a lot of people who would reply "don't threaten me with a good time". Dangerous game.

I am not one of those people, my ass is hairy and no one needs to be exposed to that literal shithole. But I don't judge other folks with freshly nair'd cheeks, y'all do y'all, I do worry about ecoli but they say it's not a problem "¯_(ツ)_/¯ "

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this post was submitted on 08 Mar 2024
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