Better Me will never know the joy of having the Cheetos bag all to myself, and a quiet night's rest with nobody there, and having the world's brightest high quality flashlight in my pocket. Worser Me never has to suffer and endure all that jetlag of constant travelling with supermodel girlfriend, and keeping track of all those pocketfuls of passports, and venereal prescriptions, and custody support hearings. Yeah, I know exactly what Better Me paid to time travel with a ghost. He can go suck a 100 year old egg.

That means that other version of me is worse off than me because at least I haven't had to have been haunted.

Rude.

And to think I thought I couldn’t get any more depressed than I already am. Damn you, OP.

This feels like a good Robot Chicken bit

And present you doesn't even use proper grammar and punctuation.

Plague is good, top tier 2d girlfriends

Nah, that's fair.