Not the most recent, because this happened years ago, but I once managed to run over my own hand with an office chair -- while I was sitting on it.

Mine is a textbook example of a self inflicted knife wound that involved separating frozen burger patties with a very sharp knife. Knife slides between the patties and into the palm of my hand. I managed to not pass out and make it to urgent care where they stitched the cut together. Still have some nerve damage. Don't do stupid things with sharp knives kids.

I was opening a box that was taped shut with a screwdriver, pulling it towards myself to rip open the tape. The rest of the tape went a lot faster than I was expecting, and since I was still pulling I wound up jabbing myself in the stomach (just bruised, I'm fine).

Definitely grabbing scissors or a knife next time and going away from myself!

Thumbed myself in the eye trying to catch a ball. Saw double for a bit.

10 minutes before this comment, I was washing a knife and it accidentally slipped from my hands. Obviously instincts take over first and I grabbed it. The tip of the knife placed itself perfectly on my pinky.

Sleeping. Woke up one day to frozen shoulder. Two years of physio and it's still not right. Fucking aging. Being 50+ sucks arse.

I reached for something. mid-40s...

Not recent, but sneezing and holding it in. Threw my back so bad I couldn't walk for weeks. Ever since then, I'll let it rip -- into my elbow or a napkin.

A few months ago, saw a medical scan of someone with a big tear in their throat. The story claimed it was due to a held sneeze. Nowadays, you shouldn't believe anything on the internet, but after my own experience, I could see how it might happen.

Left the cupboards open and then did dishes within 5 minutes and after leaning down, I hit my head on one of the open cabinet doors.

Paper cut on a friggin fry cup at work.

I pushed too quickly on my french press and an eruption of hot coffee water shot up the sleeve of my robe, which trapped it against my arm long enough to burn the skin. I am hoping for no blister, but I have a 4cm red triangle on my forearm now.

A few days ago I cut my finger open on an extremely sharp bread knife. I knew the knife was sharp but I wanted to see how sharp, so I put my finger on it. It turns out that it was sharp enough to cut my finger.

I'm 35.

At least I know the stove is hot

Closing a stapler after refill.

Not a serious injury just poor technique. Was sharpening like 10 knives on a stone and didn't realize I was grinding some of my guide finger also.

I was opening a sterilizing toothbrush cover and sliced the tip of my finger from the plastic.

Normally that isnt something really to care about, but I play guitar and had a gig the next day.

Playing an acoustic steel string guitar for 45 minutes with a cut on the top of your finger fuckin sucks.

pizza.

ya, you know what happened. it's still peeling off on the inside of my mouth.

Using a mandolin slicer to cut a cucumber, got too close and the tip of my finger ended up in the cuke bowl

Today I read the news.

...mentally and emotionally hurting counts too, right?

Had my index finger too close to the center of the pliers when trying to destroy a hard object. All of the force tore a bunch of skin off.

A few years ago, but it's stupid enough: An older lady in the gym was unable to get off from a pullup-helping machine, so i grabbed the weights (! WHY? !) and asked her to step off. It was about 40 kg. Flattened my finger.
Wept in the locker room with the bloody finger in my mouth (I was dizzy because of shock)
Drove dack home shaking from shock
Fingernail is curved a shitty way it's hard to clip it since. Edit: typo, pullup

stood up too fast, fell face and clavicle first and now typing one armed

A few days ago, I tried to catch up to my 4 year old who was running down our asphalt driveway after getting off the preschool bus, running to the back-left of him, he turned into my path to see where I was, so I sort of "jumped" out of the way to avoid plowing right into him, just barely clipped him a bit but tore up my arm and knee landing on the asphalt. Stupid, because I should have assumed he might decide to change direction or something... seems obvious now.

Before that, a few months ago I was cutting a watermelon and, with my hand that was holding the melon in place, I pulled it up off the melon too haphazardly and the tip of the knife sliced deep into my ring finger. Borderline needed stitches, but didn't get them. Got by fine with butterfly bandages and wound glue, but there's yet another big scar on my hands. At least I still have all my fingers. I was given a Christmas gift of a cut glove after that.

Not recent. I was cooking a frozen pizza and when I took it out of the oven, the pot holder I was using slipped and I ended up with my bare fingers on the pan. It was only a minor burn since I dropped the pizza and pan on the floor almost immediately. It had been a really stressful week and I was at my breaking point. I left the pizza and pan on the floor and just went to my bedroom. Fuck that day.

Edit: Invest in decent pot holders and oven mitts. You are worth it.

Used a chef's knife to open a beer bottle.

Opened my hand instead. Use tools for what they are made for, boys & girls.

I work in a kitchen. Obviously we regularly handle very hot items (food, pans, oil, etc).

My coworker had just pulled a metal pan from a 500°f oven and even called out "BEHIND, HOT!" as she attempted to place the pan on the make table. My stupid ass decided our (mainly clear) make table needed cleared off. So at the very moment she tried to set down a 500°f pan, I shoved my arm directly into her path, causing her to press the pan into my forearm, causing instant second degree burns.

I still have the burn marks and it's been a week and a half 🙃

Cut the pad off my index finger chopping slippery tomatoes with 2 days no sleep, during busy hour at work. It looks normal now but no sensation :(

I rolled over after falling asleep in my clothes and my jeans had gotten all turned around on me somehow so when I rolled over, I pulled the pants tighter and hurt my nuts.

Broke apart my filling by biting into a steel fork.

Mostly just old age gets me now, but as a child I was known for being accident prone (also called poor decision making). My two crowning glories would have to be:

1. Had a small toy basketball ring that I'd stuck to the full height windows in the lounge room. Stepped up on the window sill for the dunk (in socks) slipped and put my knee through the window - the glass only went in to my knee a few centimetres and I lucked out with only needing about 8 stitches.

2. My brother and I wanted to see how far we could stretch an old tennis trainer, literally a heavy weight attached by elastic to a tennis ball, turns out it was quite far. My brother let go of the tennis ball when I wasn't ready and it hit me square in the eye. That put me in hospital for a week or so with a detached retina, thankfully I was doing enough that it reattached itself, though wearing a patch for a few more weeks was not fun.

Every so often I roll my ankles taking a bad step it hurts like hell for days!

To make matters worse I have unusually dense bones so nothing ever breaks.

I was trying to use a mandolin to remove the wax from a section of Gouda cheese, and slipped. Chopped off about 3mm of my thumb and about 5mm of thumbnail.

Grabbing a toaster oven rack that I thought had already cooled, but it hadn’t. Got a couple of second degree burns on the underside of two fingers, right in the joint. Hurt like shit the first day but it’s healing pretty quickly.

There is nothing that will ruin your eating experience like nursing burnt fingers!

Trying to longboard again as an aging millennial.