332
submitted 11 months ago by macaro to c/nottheonion@lemmy.world
top 27 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[-] jballs@sh.itjust.works 91 points 11 months ago

Holy shit, I realize this is in NotTheOnion, but I'll be damned if this whole thing doesn't read like satire. Reading about former jihadists now being stuck in traffic, bored at work, and not being able to afford rent is oddly hilarious.

[-] Kusimulkku@lemm.ee 27 points 11 months ago

I chuckled about a Taliban fighter complaining about all the restrictions.

My man fought for Taliban.

[-] Fades@lemmy.world 11 points 11 months ago

Just another dumbass who had their face eaten by the leopards

[-] nilloc@discuss.tchncs.de 3 points 11 months ago

Sounds more like a face eating leopard who ran out of faces and is stuck in a cubicle now.

[-] RobotToaster@mander.xyz 6 points 11 months ago

It reads like an anime plot.

[-] kersploosh@sh.itjust.works 79 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago)

The former fighters found themselves missing the freedom of the front-lines as they adjusted to the mundane nature of office work. Huzaifa, a 24 year-old former sniper, said, “The Taliban used to be free of restrictions, but now we sit in one place, behind a desk and a computer 24 hours a day, seven days a week. Life’s become so wearisome; you do the same things every day.”

“In our ministry, there’s little work for me to do,” said Abdul Nafi, 25. “Therefore, I spend most of my time on Twitter. We’re connected to speedy Wi-Fi and Internet. Many mujahedin, including me, are addicted to the Internet, especially Twitter.”

And with a 9-to-5 comes the dreaded commute—and actually having to show up for the job in order to get paid. “What I don’t like about Kabul is its ever-increasing traffic holdups.” Omar Mansur, 32, said. ”These days, you have to go to the office before 8 AM and stay there till 4 PM. If you don’t go, you’re considered absent, and [the wage for] that day is cut from your salary. We’re now used to that, but it was especially difficult in the first two or three months.”

I never thought I would identify so much with the freaking Taliban.

[-] LufyCZ@lemmy.world 58 points 11 months ago

Imagine being a freaking sniper and suddenly being forced to enter numbers into spreadsheets every day.

Hilarious

[-] Redward@yiffit.net 6 points 11 months ago

Now you’re aiming for numbers

[-] Kittenstix@lemmy.world 6 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago)

I feel like there's gotta be a little overlap there due to how complex it is to shoot a rifle any range over 500 meters.

Etid, grammar

[-] kablammy@sh.itjust.works 10 points 11 months ago

At the very least a sniper should be good at sitting very still for hours at a time.

[-] Xanxia@lemmy.zip 6 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago)

On the other hand they would not be verry well prepared for an open office environment.

[-] technohacker@programming.dev 11 points 11 months ago

~~Would a LibreOffice environment suffice?~~

[-] DemBoSain@midwest.social 45 points 11 months ago

The Taliban used to be free of restrictions

Haha lol.

I spend most of my time on Twitter.

Concerning.

[-] RobotToaster@mander.xyz 37 points 11 months ago

Imagine finding out the dude you were shitposting with about femboys on twitter was a mujahideen.

[-] djsoren19@yiffit.net 27 points 11 months ago

At the end of the day, we're all just humans trying to deal with the soul-crushing oppression of capitalism. Hating a boring job is universal.

[-] wildginger@lemmy.myserv.one 43 points 11 months ago

People arent kidding when they tell stories and tales of the warrior king who won his kingdom and squandered it from the throne.

Its a common myth premise for a reason

[-] hdnsmbt@lemmy.world 24 points 11 months ago

Stop trying to make "quiet quitting" a thing. It's regular old "hating your job".

[-] MaxHardwood@lemmy.ca 9 points 11 months ago

To be pedantic; not quite the same thing. While it does usually include hating your job, it's more about doing the absolute bare minimum required by your contract, sometimes dragging your feet as long as possible, and only doing the 9-5 -- nothing more.

[-] Lesrid@lemm.ee 19 points 11 months ago

Performing work to the specification of compensation while respecting my free time. Astounding that doing my job is somehow analogous to quitting if I'm not providing even more unpaid benefit to my employer by one or more metrics.

[-] hdnsmbt@lemmy.world 10 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago)

You perfectly described what I hate about the phrase. The framing is just so awfully corporate, it's almost receiving executive bonuses.

[-] hdnsmbt@lemmy.world 5 points 11 months ago

I appreciate the pedantry (not sarcasm) but really don't see the difference. That's what you do when you hate your job, is it not?

[-] lingh0e@sh.itjust.works 5 points 11 months ago

Eh, not really. I love my job, but I'm not going to put in any extra effort that isn't a part of my agreed upon and compensated job description. It's honestly one of the reasons WHY I love my job. They expect me to do my job, nothing more. They don't pull any of the stupid "we're a family" or "we want you to be part of the company culture" or "go above and beyond" bullshit.

A fair days wage for a fair days work.

It's not that hard.

[-] MNByChoice@midwest.social 22 points 11 months ago

Article from MARCH 17, 2023 8:00 AM.

They have not quit yet.

[-] Hegar@kbin.social 20 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago)

Killers and beaurcrats are the two sides of the coin of the state.

[-] AquaTofana@lemmy.world 9 points 11 months ago

Oh, I'm so sorry Taliban. Did you think you could just behead dissidents and treat women/girls like breeding livestock forever?

Tch, sometimes you actually have to feed your people. Get on it!

God, not everything in life can be planning your next rocket attack. 🙄

[-] DestroyerOfWorlds@sh.itjust.works 4 points 11 months ago

Huh, looks like they achieved "Freedom" anyway?

[-] Everythingispenguins@lemmy.world 3 points 11 months ago

Really I think you find anyone who is well suited to be a pointy spear person is not well suited to sitting at a desk regardless of who or what they fought for.

this post was submitted on 04 Jan 2024
332 points (100.0% liked)

Not The Onion

12570 readers
950 users here now

Welcome

We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!

The Rules

Posts must be:

  1. Links to news stories from...
  2. ...credible sources, with...
  3. ...their original headlines, that...
  4. ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

Comments must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.

And that’s basically it!

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS