It's her life and her choice. My brother didn't want to hear it for years. He went to a psychiatrist 2 years ago for something unrelated and got diagnosed. He had to do it on his own for his own reasons.

You can't force people to do things. I understand you're trying to help and you think you're helping but from someone who did the same thing, you're not. You're pushing her to actively avoid it.

How to you present your autism to her? Is it just the things you struggle with? Is it just how you're different? Is it just negative? How about what you tell her you see in her? Are you only pointing out the negative traits like you are in your post? Or are you also pointing out the things that can make autism alright? "Hey sis, really cool drawing you did. I noticed art seems to be a special interest for you. I'm reallyv happy you have a hobby you enjoy so much!"

Now also ask yourself, why? Why does this matter so much to you? Why are you so upset she won't admit it? Is it really about her? Or is it about you? (I don't know the answer here, that's yours to think about)

Sounds like you’re the one with the problem honestly. Best to worry about your own life and problems than your siblings. She sounds cool to me.

As an AuDHD person - Nothing. Absolutely, positively, nothing. She is your sister, not your daughter.

Even if she did get the diagnosis, she could refuse to acknowledge it and nothing would change. Guess how I know.

Support her. Love her. Don't judge her and her choices.

It sounds like you are projecting your situation and your historic unmet needs on your sister. Deal with your own shit.

Honestly just give them space. Not "no pressure, but". Actually no pressure. Forget all about it, go back to treating them normally. You've given them something to think about, let them think about it without feeling pressured

Present it as something that will help her do the things she wants to do, better. Try not to make her feel like there's something wrong with her. We don't deal with that very well.

A positive thing you could do is to continue to learn about the experiences that AuDHD people have and productive ways to support them. If you understand the challenges she has it will be easier to be patient when she has difficulties. This may even lead to an understanding of how to effectively communicate the idea to her in a way she doesn't immediately reject.

Worst case, you grow your understanding for a large group of people that frequently have difficulty functioning in society.

The narrative that, "Help exists! You just have to ask!" is incredibly toxic and is often used to blame people for their own disorders. The fact is that meaningful help does not always exist in a form that is accessible, and often does not exist at all. You cannot protect your sister from having autism. But you can certainly make her feel bad about having autism, if you are not careful.

"Professional help" is overrated honestly.

Well. Like. It can be useful sure (particularly ADH"D" medication from what we hear, we've never actually had any though).

But it is NOT a thing to "fix" her, to make her like the gross textures, etc. (in case you were thinking it was). Just. No. It doesn't, and shouldn't, work like that. Ever.

What ACTUALLY helps is meeting other autistic/whatever people, and realizing that you're not A Problem™ for not liking gross textures, talking "weird", etc.

-- Frost

I never talked to a professional about it and I don't intend to. I don't need to pay someone to confirm what I already know especially since I'm absolutely not going to medicate it.

Relax. It’s not contagious. Look after yourself and trust that your sister (probably) knows herself better than you know her.

You need to tell her that - admit you handled it poorly, & you're sorry, but it's because you want the best outcome for her. Regain some trust.

Then point out how so many people suspect it already, and that getting treatment for it will help hide the issue so she won't have the stigma from outsiders who don't care so much about her giving her grief. Nobody has to know except the family who already knows. Anybody else can be told her mannerisms before getting treatment were "just a phase" that she's now "grown out of."

Basically, put yourself in her shoes, and try to come up with approaches more compatible with how she sees things. Make sure you convince her that you're thinking like her, understand where she's coming from, and truly want to help her, not control her. Help her deal with this in a way that ensures minimal potential embarrassment.

Put yourself in her shoes- it's a heavy burden to be right all the time, so she's got a lot on her plate already

Can I just ask... what in the hell is a wet bathroom saddle??

Nothing. Your said your piece.

It is getting dangerous to have an autism diagnosis in this day and age. It can also prevent you from being able to immigrate since it's considered a "disability". Unless she truly needs accommodations, it is not worth it.

If I was in the same room, I would want to interrogate your assumptions and your desired outcomes here.

For my son I told him that a diagnosis one way or the other would give us the information needed to put the right tools in his toolbox.

We tried pills, they weren't his thing so we stopped. But the IEP was invaluable. He hated the scratching of graphite on paper so the IEP said he could use erasable pen. Little stuff that made a huge difference.

It's your job as her sibling to tell her things she does not want to hear. Try to be understanding but let her know that she might regret not having done anything later on. That's time she will never get back.