I have only read the ethical slut a little bit, can you go over what felt old fashioned and American. Coming from America I want to know what I'm missing or forgot.
So, time for a long rant ... for me the useful parts were those talking about managing jealousy and conflict resolution, however the language used is American therapy-speak which doesn't transpose onto other cultures well. Several of the exercises require writing things down on index cards which is quite anachronistic.
For either of those subjects I believe there will be better and more up-to-date self-help books available.
The descriptions of lots of the different communities early in the book are things that are generally still true today, but after covid and with modern social media they're no longer as described. In my parents' city in the UK for example, the last of the gay nightclubs closed down years ago - gay people just go to normal clubs now, and use grindr, feeld, or whatever.
And I kinda gave up when it stated that "public sex" (which means at a club or dungeon to Americans, not dogging or open-air areas as can be found in Europe) is a political act against repression. The book goes to great pains earlier on to point out that people might suffer the loss of jobs, housing, or children if they do these things so you have to keep it in the down-low.
If it has to be kept secret it's not a political act IMO. Scottish Trans women protesting topless is a political act. Slut walks are a political act. Naked bike rides are a political act. Having an orgasm in front of an audience in a basement is not a political act.
Which brings me onto my last gripe - the emphasis of the writers is on having sex with lots of people, and only pays lip service to those who want to have long-term deeply meaningful relationships with more than one person.
For me personally, I'm not interested in sleeping with people who I'm not in love with, but I struggle to balance that love between multiple people in my heart, and keeping up with the needs of more than one partner is difficult. The book didn't help me with that.
Can you recommend other written works that have better resonated with your experience of polyamory?
That's a good question, because no I have not, lol ... I haven't read any other books about being poly (not counting fiction), just articles and forums back in the day
Subscribing in case anybody has any book recs! I relate to what you said in a comment where a book talking about having a lot of sex doesn’t make as much sense to you as something talking about having multiple serious, loving partners
Yeah, books about having 3-4 people together, or being a strong part of a chain, things like that, would be so nice. Even when I was doing wild stuff, that was what I was searching for.
Unironically, the only time I've seen what I want in life reflected in writing has been The Alsea Chronicles (sci-fi book series), and it does so in a wholesome and constructive manner.
A community for discussion of Polyamory as well as other Ethical Non-Monogamy styles.
Simple rules: