I don’t blame people for avoiding dating apps as a way to meet people. It feels like putting yourself up at the store. It’s exhausting.
I always felt weird on dating apps, because it felt like a competition, and i'm the least competitive person on the planet.
Introducing: co-op dating.
You put 50 people in a pile and everybody votes who should date whom. You win if anyone leaves happy.
In dating apps you commodify yourself so that they can sell your profile to other users. It feels so incredibly fake that everyone has to market themselves with checklists of positive qualities and good looking photos and witty messages.
Combine that with marketing yourself for work and all of the subtle competition we have in society, and it's the perfect recipe for burnout.
I weirdly like dating apps as if you don't care about matches its like online people watching
dating apps are dogshit but discord and reddit aren't terrible places to meet romantic/sexual partners (speaking as an autist who doesn't socialize irl)
Maybe it's because I was in my mid 20s but I remember tinder being insanely good for hooking up.
Now it's dog shit. Everyone is using tiktok or instagram DMs now.
plot twist:
insert gay dating app here
Why do you think he would have better chances there?
because men would fuck a hole in a tree if it looks at them funny
Don't be so dismissive about how sexy some trees are.
They don't call em pussy willows for nothing.
Pussy willow so good it bout to make me hnnggg-
Man Here I can confirm.
Point taken.
Oh hey maybe lets buzz on over to Bumble, where women have to initiate the interaction!
Whats that?
That rarely ever happens and the business is imploding?
Quick! Do an ad campaign calling people nuns in a convent for not using our pay to win subscription service!
Wait, people didn't like that?
Uh maybe we're actually just an app for finding friends now, or something... sure yeah we'll just pretend Discord and Instagram and Tiktok don't exist, this'll totally work.
Hrm uh ok, lets try uh... Grindr.
Closeted Republican, closeted Republican, another closeted Republican...
Fuck it.
Into the 4chan dating app, at least that one works about as well as you'd expect it to; openly deranged maniacs with no filter = low chance of being misled.
And there are no paywalls!
If you want to make a dating app that actually works, actually reliably produces what the user is looking for... you need to call out the user on their own bullshit. You need to actually tell them 'your profile says you are looking for this, your actual history on this platform indicates otherwise'.
Well I mean... the datings apps know that, they just don't tell you. They keep that info for themselves, and then leverage the difference between the gap there to keep you on the platform for as long as possible, by matching together people who are lying to each other and themselves in approximately the same way.
Bumble women initiating interactions: "hi"
Now do that on Tinder as a man and you're bland and unimaginative. Try harder.
There are now actually 'singles events' in the US that are charging women to attend, but not men.
... I've always just been astounded by how one single filter nearly insantly removes my entire potential dating pool:
Does Not Want Kids.
Not 'maybe wants kids'.
Knows they do not want kids.
I've never wanted kids. I am exceedingly confident that even if I did want kids, I could not provide them with what I would consider a good upbringing.
There are almost 0 people on any dating site or app that know they do not want kids.
... and I'm not like, an anti-natalist. I just know myself, and what I in particular want and can handle.
My problem with the kids thing is that I don't feel strongly about it. If my partner wanted kids, sure, we could discuss it and I'd probably come around. If the partner was against it, I'd be just as happy.
And there are very few people, just like with the confidently not wanting kids aspect, that would be happy with that. The 'maybe wants kids' is always used as a 'not right now' thing, and they would get upset if you didn't fit that.
Yes, exactly. You've got it at the end.
Tons of people use 'Maybe' to mean 'Yes but later.'
And then there are also people like you, who would genuienly be fine either way.
These are two very different things, mashed all together.
Beyond me being just actually certain I don't want kids...
The problem is that it is a useless category.
It throws people like you, are honest with themselves that they really have no preference... into the same category of people who do want want kids.
There's an option for that. It's 'Wants Kids'.
The timeframe is a modifier of that.
But people either don't know how grammar works, or are kind of lying to themselves, and then thus others, in describing themselves as 'Maybe'.
No, no, those people are certain they want kids, they're just not directly telling you that, in their profile selection.
It really wouldn't be that hard to make a different set of answers to that question.
Literally just 'Yes - Soon' 'Yes - Someday' 'No Preference' and 'No'.
But untill that is done... consider my possible strategies.
1 - Filter down to 'Not Want Kids'
2 - Include 'Maybe Want Kids' and have to actually broach the topic. I'm sure that'll always go great.
Strategy 2 is a waste of my time, as I'm perfectly fine just not having a permanent partner.
So then people like you get filtered by people like me, because the entire system is stupid.
So then people like you get filtered by people like me, because the entire system is stupid.
I mean, hey, I'm right here ;)
a/s/l lol?
I'm guessing that as we both use =D over 😃 this probably indicates we're roughly the same age...
Hrm.
We at least appear to have fairly similar interests and tastes... for example, here's my take on the fever dream original end of evangelion:
the take
Its primarily a gigantic 4th wall break, it isn't really supposed to 'make sense', in universe.
Shinji is the hikikomori viewer and also basically the writer, pleading with the viewer / 'realizing' that life is totally full of bullshit, but basically everyone is full of bullshit, and it is better to accept your flaws, your pain, your failures, it is better to go out and try to have experiences and live a life, than it is to become a black hole of self pity and rob yourself of that.
The point of the end is to just literally tell the viewer to go actually touch grass, or maybe another actual person... to stop being obsessed with these characters, this story, and go live your own story.
It is thus insanely ironic that this story, that very much resonated (and still resonates) with a whole lot of basically socially rejected nerds... has been remade something like 2 and half times now, due to overwhelming popular demand, where the ending is different.
The original actual point has been subverted by something like a combination of the pressures of capitalism on both the writer and the viewers, and basically the overwhelming insecurity of the hiki nerds who cannot let go of this story and these characters.
... but uh, that's a lot of unprompted blabbing on my part, so maybe... what does an ideal weekend look like for you?
Do you have a favorite kind of tea or coffee or other drink?
Sorry, I've been crippled for a while, and though I am physically recovering, my social skills have definitely degraded, hah!
If I could, I would. Unfortunately, I take my privacy seriously and I'm pretty sure one of these dating apps has already been breached. No use pretending they won't all suffer the same fate. Oh well, at least they can star me for the reboot of 40-year-old virgin.
I already met all my possible partners in my town. Time to move to NY
You cannot afford to move to NY.
Yeah, since mamdamis extra 2nd house tax I won't be able to afford my 5th Sunday house there
I'm sorry, do you think that taxes on unoccupied homes... make homes... more expensive, overall?
You increase supply, which correspondingly lowers prices, by punishing homes that are mostly vacant, most of the time.
Oh and also the revenue from said tax can go toward things like making housing less expensive for the very poor, poor, and middle income folks.
Here, for you: /s
Ok, you definitely do not have the social skills to survive in NYC very long.
lmao
To New Yorkers, "social skills" means "New York social skills."
They're not used to the rest of the world where people aren't all assholes to each other by default, so when they encounter someone who isn't being a total asshole, they think that person is an asshole.
Strange place.
And you seem to be taking this conversation way too seriously. I aint gonna move to NY cuz I made a comment on a website. Yes, you are avidly aware of NYs issues but I wasn't advocating for everyone to move there, I was just saying my town is small.
What you are doing is saying stupid shit and then not enjoying your stupid shit being called out as such.
You've likely exhausted your dating pool in your small town because you are an unlikeable asshole who just writes checks with his mouth that he can't actually cash.
Damn dude, case in point...
What am I being called out for?
NYC isn't cheap but sometimes you get what you pay for. But yeah, $2000/mo rent is probably eye popping for a lot of people. You save a lot by not having a car, though. Or roommates can also cut the cost.
... The economy has not been hiring anyone in substantial numbers for years, job growth has consistently been trailing just actual working age population growth.
The tech sector is massively laying people off, for the last few years.
If you're gonna move to NY, that means you're not very likely to find a well paying inperson job, or be able to keep your remote job.
Right now, Zillow lists 220 studio apartments under $2000 a month, in NYC.
220
City has a population of about 8.5 million people. Median household income is ~82k.
2000 x 3 x 12 = 72,000.
The median household in New York City only makes 10k a year more (before taxes) than what is the safe minimum to afford a studio apartment.
So uh yeah, yeah, you're gonna need roommates.
And I'm sure it will just be easy to move to an entirely new city and just win the roommate lottery, find ones that are responsible, reliable, low drama.
In summary, moving to NYC in pursuit of its theoretical dating pool is a wonderful way to become homeless.
Plus, New Yorkers tend to be subtly hostile towards anyone who isn't already up to speed with the pace of NYC culture.
They have certain social scripts and faux pas that are just different from other places, and if you don't just intuitively pick up on them without a second thought then it makes you the asshole in their eyes.
"Laid-back," "easy-going," and "warm/friendly" are not words that describe the average New Yorker.
Moving to a new city without a financial plan is a dubious idea, yeah. Especially since the current economic situation is Bad.
Nothing ever happens. He rests his case.
Oh, post about me. It's nice to be represented
Is that the subway pedo guy Jared?
it's chudjak which is weird to see here
~10 years on dating sites this is me for sure. Except I never touched tinder, I want a site with profiles and more than just swipe. Plus I'm way too unattractive for swipe only apps lol
All posts need to have the same title: me_irl it is allowed to use an emoji instead of the underscore _
