"I'm sorry, you seem to have brought me the food that my food eats..."

I think it can be pretty broadly said: "If you don't like salad, you're doing salad wrong." Not because there's a singular right way to do it but because there are so many variations that there's definitely one out there for you.

So many people have, like, iceberg lettuce topped with a couple croutons and then either minimal dressing because it's supposed to be "healthy" or a fuckton because the base salad is bland garbage. Thus it has terrible nutritional value, is ridiculously bland/one-note, and, if you're the second type of dressing person, more or less acts as a conduit to putting salad dressing in your mouth.

It's easy to make delicious salads – even strictly plant-based ones, but you really have a ton of options either way. That's not to say "wow you're so dumb that you can't even figure out salad"; that's to say "I'm so sorry you got mired in the stereotype of what a salad is."

Don't worry if some of these look bougie; they can pretty easily be unbougie-fied if they are.

Plants are friends, not food!