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What men want (lemmy.world)
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[-] Quexotic@sh.itjust.works 3 points 6 days ago

Sounds like it's more of a content issue, less of a form issue.

[-] Starduster75@lemmy.world 151 points 1 week ago

When I was young, I was naive to the ways of romance, and especially romantic communication. I was often oblivious to advances made upon me, and awkward and unskilled at making any expression of interest without just looking a bit foolish. However, after a lot of experience and many ups and downs in the pursuit of love, I find that I am no longer young.

[-] JasonDJ@lemmy.zip 62 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

Men are dense and women are indirect.

I know these are generalities, but it's sooo freakin common that it's a well-known trope.

I'd actually go a step further and say that it's not so much that men are "dense" as it is that they are full of self-doubt...I.e., seeing the advances, knowing they are there, but not believing that they are actually intended for them, or it's a joke/prank, or for whatever other reason, they convince themselves that it's not an advance and they are misinterpreting.

IANAD, but I'd guess this has more to do with mens mental-health awareness than anything else.

[-] phx@lemmy.world 32 points 1 week ago

It's a trope, but it's also supposedly "well known" that men are horny bastards who think with their dicks... yet somehow we have these the two very opposing scenarios.

Personally, despite a rather distinct lack of interest from the "fairer sex" prior to college, I found that plenty of women were more interested in sex than me in later years and not particularly subtle about it, which was actually off-putting as I wanted a relationship with a bit more substances. A lot of guys I know were in the same boat. Sex was easy. Finding somebody who actually wanted to do activities together was quite hard.

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[-] StarryPhoenix97@lemmy.world 8 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

Or maybe he just wasn't in the mood? Despite the tropes, men don't want sex ALL the time, and just like women don't want to be responsible for the feelings of men, we don't want to always be responsible for quelling the insecurities of women. This doesn't even have to be a gendered thing. No one wants to be the only source of validation for their partner. Often we hope they are on some level emotionally mature and self assured.

OP was doing the person equivalent of a cat walking across your keyboard because you were typing instead of petting.

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[-] Crostro@lemmy.world 10 points 1 week ago

Succinct, eloquent prose there. Well said

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[-] Soulphite@reddthat.com 82 points 1 week ago

For real tho, what is the name of that doc?

Also. Is Melissa single?

[-] ceenote@lemmy.world 39 points 1 week ago

Finish watching the doc, then ask her.

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[-] HalfSalesman@lemmy.world 81 points 1 week ago

It sounds like hes respecting consent, just being in your underwear doesn't automatically mean you want him all over you and hes respecting that possibility.

If I was playing a video game that I was super sucked into and focused on, and then a girl I was with still in her underwear sat next to me, I wouldn't assume it was an invitation to immediately begin sucking on her titties or something. I'd figure she just wanted to chill next to me in her undies.

If you want to have sex: communicate that. He probably would have been down.

[-] FishFace@piefed.social 45 points 1 week ago

This situation isn't about consent; it's about seduction and attraction. It's not unrealistic that seeing your partner in their underwear might distract you from what you're doing and elicit an amorous response, and that's what she wants. There's no suggestion that that response would be anything but respectful of consent.

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[-] StarryPhoenix97@lemmy.world 60 points 1 week ago

Hmm. A “hey” with three Ys and a smirk... I don’t think Melissa’s bf is the problem.

[-] aramis87@fedia.io 45 points 1 week ago

Would also love to know the doc, lol.

See my comment above, could be Reclaiming the Blade: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0961079/

[-] Gullible@sh.itjust.works 40 points 1 week ago

If someone is actively engaged with something, you have to break their attention. I feel like people need to learn more about dissociation and blacksmithing.

[-] partial_accumen@lemmy.world 33 points 1 week ago

"Men are disgusting! They only think about one thing ~~sex~~ medieval sword making!" /s

[-] Akasazh@lemmy.world 14 points 1 week ago

He just loves watching burly guys whacking red hot iron

[-] kryptonianCodeMonkey@lemmy.world 31 points 1 week ago

"I have presented my flesh in his presence and that wasn't automatically rewarded. What am I doing wrong?"

Have you tried... talking about shared interests? Being funny? Being charming and confident? Putting effort into romance? Like all the same advice that help men gain interest from women works the other way around too, you know? We're all human.

[-] billwashere@lemmy.world 30 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

No sure who said this… sounds like Bill Burr but … “No matter how beautiful she is, there’s some guy somewhere who’s tired of putting up with her shit”

[-] ExLisper@lemmy.curiana.net 23 points 1 week ago

Bill Burr performed in Saudi Arabia. He's not kosher anymore.

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[-] U7826391786239@piefed.zip 23 points 1 week ago

the question i have is: how are men supposed to know the exact correct amount and time women want attention? because from what i understand if the only thing you're doing is wearing underwear, that doesn't necessarily mean you "want" something, and to assume otherwise is bad? or is that wrong too?

[-] greygore@lemmy.world 29 points 1 week ago

Find a woman mature enough to communicate her needs and ask explicitly for your attention? Anyone of any gender who expects their partner to be a mind reader is going to be disappointed, but people that learn to communicate their feelings and teach their partners that it is safe to do the same will be much happier. If they get upset at having to tell you what they’re thinking or feeling, they’re not ready for a serious relationship yet.

[-] HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 9 points 1 week ago

a problem my wife and i had at the beginning of our relationship (solved very quickly, since we talked about it) is that i expected her to be able to intuitively read my body language. because the sign language i use is, for people who don't sign, basically all body language and facial expressions (for people who do sign, there are no actual signs it's all classifiers) and if you aren't constantly reading body language, you won't understand someone. it took an in-depth conversation about linguistics (a really fun one where we compared the four different sign languages the two of us use), but we managed to figure everything out.

[-] dejected_warp_core@lemmy.world 9 points 1 week ago

where we compared the four different sign languages the two of us use

You buried the lede. How does something like that even happen? I feel like the odds of two sign-language polyglots being in the same room, let alone in a romantic relationship, are vanishingly small.

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Find a woman mature enough to communicate her needs

👆

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[-] sundray@lemmus.org 23 points 1 week ago

Sometimes a man is just tired, you know?

[-] Wren@lemmy.today 20 points 1 week ago

Bit of a tangent and a big YES I am a giant fucking nerd - but I do text based roleplaying. People online don't know my actual gender (chick) since I'll play anything. One huge thing I noticed when playing a dude is a lot of the women would just kinda be there and try to be sexy hoping I would do something.

They didn't all write like that, and I still had a few guys to starfished, so to speak, but goddamn YOU NEED TO ENGAGE ME. If I wanted something pretty, I would look at a painting. I need an activity.

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[-] TheGiantKorean@lemmy.today 19 points 1 week ago

Have you tried laying next to your boyfriend while making a sword?

[-] fibojoly@sh.itjust.works 17 points 1 week ago
[-] ptu@sopuli.xyz 11 points 1 week ago

My gf is coming back home from a week long trip tonight. Thanks for the recommendation!

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[-] drunkpostdisaster@lemmy.world 16 points 1 week ago

Aww dude.

You ever watch those archer twink videos?

[-] AlfalFaFail@lemmy.ml 16 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

Your sword is no match for me!

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[-] Kellenved@sh.itjust.works 14 points 1 week ago

Time to lose the lingerie and put on a smiths apron

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[-] ShinkanTrain@lemmy.ml 13 points 1 week ago

Have you tried talking to each other?

[-] Rhaedas@fedia.io 13 points 1 week ago

Be interested, just a little bit, in what they're interested in. Like, you don't have to enjoy it, but show interest and they'll respond a lot more than if you make that a problem they have to choose over.

I mean I might put down the doc simply because I can come back to it anytime, while the moment won't. But what would spark things more is if she asks me something simple about what had my focus.

And this goes both ways. Paying attention to what your SO likes in any amount works so much better than making it something bad.

[-] RememberTheApollo_@lemmy.world 12 points 1 week ago

I’m sure men pay attention to her. Just not the men she wants, how she wants.

[-] Lushed_Lungfish@lemmy.ca 8 points 1 week ago

Sweetie, you need to up your blacksmithing game.

[-] Fedizen@lemmy.world 8 points 1 week ago

Maybe if she dressed up as a sword...

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this post was submitted on 07 May 2026
1134 points (100.0% liked)

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