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[-] thorbot@lemmy.world 60 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

First wish: all humans turn blue for 24 hours after masturbating

Second wish: reverse all human digestive tracts so food goes into anus and excretion comes out of mouth, trump style

Third wish: reproductive organs are all non functional for reproduction specifically and humans mate by doing The Polka for 6 consecutive hours.

Love, Satan

[-] w00tabaga@lemm.ee 27 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

Third kind of makes the first one pointless. Unless that is, you consider doing the Polka by yourself masturbation.

[-] djsoren19@yiffit.net 16 points 1 year ago

You still feel horny urges, but baby can only be created via intense accordion action. It'd be a real blessing, the most effective form of contraceptive available.

[-] Aqarius@lemmy.world 7 points 1 year ago

"Blessing". Weird Al would have his hands full pretty quickly.

[-] thorbot@lemmy.world 13 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

Notice how I said reproduction specifically. You could still pleasure yourself. and yes solo polka would also count as masturbation

[-] oolio@feddit.de 7 points 1 year ago

Do you masturbate to reproduce?

[-] Seventhlevin@lemmy.world 4 points 1 year ago

Shit damn. I can't masturbate OR polka without turning blue? That really is diabolical.

[-] Shush@reddthat.com 13 points 1 year ago

Funnily enough, the third wish is actually one of the most positive things that can happen here.

Now people will fuck each other all day without having to worry about getting pregnant. No pills, no implants, no hormone. It's just good ol' pleasure now.

[-] azvasKvklenko@sh.itjust.works 3 points 1 year ago

I'm blue, da ba dee da ba di

[-] MrSnowy@lemmy.ml 50 points 1 year ago

Make every car moan when you start it

[-] Cold_Brew_Enema@lemmy.world 24 points 1 year ago

Have penis make very loud air raid siren alarm when slightly hard

[-] son_named_bort@lemmy.world 50 points 1 year ago

Final wish: Increase childhood cancer by 500%.

[-] cooopsspace@infosec.pub 7 points 1 year ago

You sick fuck.

Take your up arrow.

[-] Moc@lemmy.world 3 points 1 year ago

Climate change solved?

[-] Wirlocke 25 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

XKCD 2741 Alt Text: "I wish for everything in the world. All the people, money, trees, etc." "Are you SURE you--" "And I want you to put it in my house."

Image

[-] GreenMario@lemm.ee 11 points 1 year ago

Third wish: raise avg world temp by 5C.

[-] Brekky@lemmy.world 10 points 1 year ago

How do we know that's not what happened to Trump?

He would have lost focus babbling halfway through his first wish and never reached a coherent request.

[-] MrTulip@lemmy.dbzer0.com 9 points 1 year ago

Give everyone tastebuds in their anus.

[-] w00tabaga@lemm.ee 6 points 1 year ago

What if I put my tastebuds in someone else’s anus?

[-] PR3CiSiON@lemmy.world 5 points 1 year ago

It's 2023. Have you not done that yet?

[-] w00tabaga@lemm.ee 1 points 1 year ago

Wouldn’t you like to know weatherboy

[-] w00tabaga@lemm.ee 1 points 1 year ago

Wouldn’t you like to know weatherboy

[-] MrSnowy@lemmy.ml 1 points 1 year ago

I call that an average Saturday night

[-] skullgiver@popplesburger.hilciferous.nl 5 points 1 year ago* (last edited 11 months ago)

[This comment has been deleted by an automated system]

[-] QuinceDaPence@kbin.social 4 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

Of course I know the taste buds in my colon (TBIMC) can never be cured, but my doctor told me that with proper diet and excercise and Poisantin, my TBIMC could be monitored, putting me in control of the size and sensitivity of the taste buds in my colon.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=h_jX2KT7AMY

[-] TootSweet@lemmy.world 9 points 1 year ago

Accelerationism intensifies.

[-] starman2112@sh.itjust.works 2 points 1 year ago

Third wish: we hit 2 degrees ten years ahead of schedule

this post was submitted on 27 Sep 2023
470 points (100.0% liked)

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