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People saying dating coworkers is inappropriate. I’m not supposed to hit on baristas or exotic dancers? And my friends keep telling me to stop dating their younger sisters and mothers. Any solid ideas?

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[-] actionjbone@sh.itjust.works 11 points 1 week ago

When's your next family reunion?

[-] Thedogdrinkscoffee@lemmy.ca 7 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

In every city there is a bar for the over 40 crowd affectionately called a "cougar" bar. You may or may not find love, or even a dating experience. What you will find will leave you so exhausted and satisfied you won't mind eitherway. Stay hydrated my friend.

[-] Cevilia 7 points 1 week ago

Discord, look up e-girls (short for "extroverted girls")

[-] MachineFab812@discuss.tchncs.de 6 points 1 week ago

Where did you get the idea you're not supposed to hit on exotic dancers? Baristas? Have some tact, some discretion, some patience, don't try to figure out their shifts or engage in other stalker-like behavior, when the time comes be direct, and immediately take no for an answer.

Co-workers? Its more risky than anything, and dating superiors or subordinates is in-defensible as well as a situation to alter as quickly as possible(if you're willing to quit just to be able to ask them out, maybe it could/"should" work-out), but a peer? from another department?

Your friends not have older sisters? ... but if you just neglected to mention your friends included them in the list, they sound like jerks. Are all your friends going to ditch you because you dated one friends' cousin or whatever? I'll say this: friends that would rather not end up related to you, aren't friends, and such acquaintences aren't entitled to strong opinions on your love-life either, unless the sister in-question really is just too young(and legality is far from all that counts here) for a person your age.

Too many people screw up by thinking of dating as transactional, but also too many think of pursuing opportunities only in terms of what they can chase without risk, without even potentially sacrificing anything they have. Women can pick up on such inclinations, and while they may not be right to confuse them with insincerity or disinterest, they will, and its not a measure of their "worth" or anything either.

Basically, you need to demonstrate up-front that you are willing to make (reputational)"legitimacy" possible when/where there are such issues to deal with, that you are serious, but also that you will take no for an answer and never bring it up again.

If you don't feel strongly enough about a given woman to see sense in my advice, by all means, don't waste her time. Outside of such issues, the world is your oyster. Bars, pool-halls, apps, on-line, gaming, networking, volunteer work, etc.

Last random thought; Make more friends. Wherever you look for women, look first to make more friends you hadn't considered hanging-out with previously. Don't manipulate anyone: be up-front that you are single and looking for a woman, but for anyone who is willing to hang-out and share their interests with you and you can join them safely, until you are married and/or otherwise unable to be a good friend, what do you have to do that's really any better? The more people you meet, inside and outside of the "meet a stranger" settings, and the less thirsty you are, the more likely you are to meet an attractive single woman who might like you.

By all means, invite an existing friend, workmate, or family member along at first for safety, but don't approach it as trying to expand your "friend group" - you don't have to introduce everybody to everyone and/or try to get them to get-along. Accepting everyone you can as individuals will go a long way to helping you find and keep a meaningful, serious, romantic/adult relationship.

[-] z3rOR0ne@lemmy.ml 6 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

Get into a community building or charity organization where women your own age are involved. Get into a hobby that has both men and women involved. Ideally an organization that lines up with your authentic ideals. Ideally a hobby that you're authentically excited about.

Don't get disappointed if this takes a while. Most good romantic relationships start with being your authentic self, but also developing an authentic self that embraces similar values to the person you're hoping to meet, which is difficult.

And understand that sometimes you're not going to find a significant other, and if you find yourself in this situation, make your peace with it and don't turn into a misogynist.

EDIT: Didn't realize I was in shitty ask Lemmy...leaving this here anyways, lol.

EDIT: Grammar, spelling.

[-] Thedogdrinkscoffee@lemmy.ca 7 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

For genuine and unfliching helpfulness and conspicuous gallantry in the face of shity asks, on behalf of this sub, I am pleased to award you with the Wholesome Award.

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[-] skulblaka@sh.itjust.works 2 points 1 week ago

That, uh... Looks like a Halfsome Award to me

[-] Thedogdrinkscoffee@lemmy.ca 2 points 1 week ago

Open your other eye. ;)

[-] tpihkal@lemmy.world 5 points 1 week ago

Try Adult Friend Finder. Great place to find both male and female friends.

[-] SaveTheTuaHawk@lemmy.ca 3 points 1 week ago

at the same time! also great for herpes and syphillis!

[-] Flickerby@lemmy.zip 4 points 1 week ago

Have you considered that it is not the girl in front of you that you desire, but rather the girl in your soul? Anyway the knee high socks are on aisle 11.

this post was submitted on 28 Oct 2025
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