crosspostato da: https://thelemmy.club/post/35937089

Okay, I'm fully aware that people cannot decide for me if I'm cis or trans, but I definitely don't think this seems "cis" even if I may be in denial. After all, I feel like if I were just a woman, I'd feel like one all or most of the time and it wouldn't change.

In second or third grade, I really liked tomboy characters like Scout Finch. I had watched the movie based on the book, To Kill a Mockingbird. I identified as a tomboy and didn't want to wear dresses. However, not only this, but I wanted to hang out with only boys, not grow up to wear makeup, cut my hair short, do boys' sports, and be mistaken for a little boy. "Tomboy" was what I used because I didn't understand, but what I really remember wanting was to be a boy.

My favorite characters in media were usually men, such as Uncle Fester, Dr. Doofenshmirtz, Truman from The Truman Show, etc.

At first, I thought what everyone else in my family did: I was a straight girl with fictional crushes on men. However, I started to imagine myself as them, try to fit my personality to be like them, and even imagine myself to have a penis. At twelve, it really felt like I had one.

I was also convinced for a part of my life as a child that I actually had a penis, just a really, really small one. I didn't want my boobs to grow either.

At thirteen, I started identifying as a trans guy called Mikey, only detransitioning due to having a transphobic girlfriend and the impact of our breakup affecting me too much.

Now, I'm questioning again. Some people see me as a feminine man. Others, a masculine woman. I am starting to see myself more as a feminine man.

Did anyone else go through anything similar as trans people? It might mean a lot about my identity to go through this, I think I might be trans.