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Anon is a fact checker (sh.itjust.works)
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[-] HalfSalesman@lemmy.world 1 points 10 minutes ago

I almost was in the 3.3%... dodged it by only a few years.

Then I went without for a long while after though because I mistakenly thought any sex I'd have after that would probably be equally mediocre and it wasn't worth the effort. Realized that was stupid and I was missing out. Now I'm trying hard to get into a sexual relationship of some kind again with some minor success in the form of occasional one night stands. They're OK fun. I think my autism makes it hard to maintain the relationships though beyond one or two nights. My masking inevitably slips a little and I say or do something cringe or rude.

I'm bi I've been contemplating getting on Grindr to explore my homo side a bit more but from what I hear that's basically nothing but one night stands...

[-] pineapplelover@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 points 32 minutes ago

TIL I'm like in the 10%

[-] nutsack@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 points 5 hours ago

people don't go out anymore ok

[-] Rachelhazideas@lemmy.world 84 points 18 hours ago

This entire post is precisely the problem. The fact that everyone here is conflating sex with mental health support is the reason why men's mental health isn't being taken seriously.

Men are not socialized to, and even actively discouraged from being emotionally vulnerable with each other.

We won't need men doing more fucking, we need men to sit down together and talk about their depression, and we need other men to be supportive and not downplay these conversations with sexist or homophobic slurs.

[-] shawn1122@sh.itjust.works 15 points 10 hours ago

Exactly what I interpreted from this too. Posting a bunch of stats on sex and marriage as if they're a remedy for loneliness ignores the fact that people absolutely can feel lonely while having both.

Men do absolutely need to be better with each other but women do perpetuate this also.

The modern concept of masculinity is completely broken. Long ago it used to be about being a protector, now it's about anger, dominance, power, emotional dysregulation, resource hoarding (most of which provide little benefit to society at large).

[-] WorldsDumbestMan@lemmy.today 8 points 9 hours ago

A co-worker keept telling me he knows what's wrong with me and that I just need to fuck. I so wanted to strangle him, because I'd imagine that would make you less focused.

Another keeps insisting I grab (a married co-worker) by the pussy.

[-] Cataphract@lemmy.ml 3 points 4 hours ago

those are co-workers though, everyone has stupid co-workers. It's like that whole "you can't choose your family" thing but corporatized.

[-] just_an_average_joe@lemmy.dbzer0.com 24 points 16 hours ago

What are stats on suicide rate for men? Or depression? Wouldn't those be much better indicator than whether or not they had sex or marriage?

[-] rumschlumpel@feddit.org 1 points 5 hours ago* (last edited 5 hours ago)

Lots of people have depression or suicidal thoughts while in relationships, too.

[-] Korhaka@sopuli.xyz 17 points 16 hours ago

Depends if you are on 4chan of not

[-] Aggravationstation@feddit.uk 149 points 1 day ago

Yea everyone knows as soon as you have sex once you never feel lonely again.

[-] bigfondue@lemmy.world 53 points 1 day ago

Seems like a lot of incels really believe it though

[-] Aggravationstation@feddit.uk 19 points 21 hours ago

Indeed, which may actually be the source of their problems, or at least one of them.

[-] Apytele@sh.itjust.works 10 points 18 hours ago* (last edited 18 hours ago)

Yeah when they fixate on sex it generally results in a bunch of behaviors and personality traits that make them unpleasant to be around and often make other people (particularly women) dislike or even fear the idea of sex with them.

I also honestly think a lot of it comes down to homophobia. I think there's a lot of closeted or Kinsey 3+ bi men that are prevented from being happy with a male partner and even more importantly it keeps straight men from pursuing platonically fulfilling emotional intimacy from other men. I often deal with sexual transference behaviors out of male patients (when I try to help them emotionally they develop sexual attraction) and it can be difficult to both find a male staff member to model appropriate nonsexual emotional intimacy to them and to get the patient to accept the healthier experience / teaching.

TLDR there's a lot of things I would like to do to help solve the male loneliness epidemic because it's a very real thing but I'm AFAB and NB at best and 90% of the work needs to be done by men helping other men, so I'm functionally helpless to do so.

[-] timik_pipik@lemy.lol 4 points 16 hours ago

In my experience (as in my classmates(, you couldn't be more right.

[-] Jankatarch@lemmy.world 35 points 21 hours ago

"Male loneliness epidemic" is about male friendships more than anything no?

[-] grrgyle@slrpnk.net 14 points 18 hours ago

That's definitely one sense, and the one that's actually an issue. But I've read enough headlines and yt subject lines to pick up on there also being some muddying of the waters with romantic female companionship. Or rather lack thereof as being a key part of the crisis.

[-] Salamanderwizard@lemmy.world 33 points 22 hours ago* (last edited 21 hours ago)

Shit. I've had sex that made me feel even more alone than before.

(Had to figure out how to word that.)

[-] shawn1122@sh.itjust.works 7 points 10 hours ago* (last edited 10 hours ago)

With modern contraceptive technology we can have sex thats completely meaningless, where both parties are trying to achieve a deeper connection (to something, not even necessarily to each other) and misguidedly hope it can be achieved through a simple release. Its almost dystopian.

[-] bstix@feddit.dk 7 points 6 hours ago

It doesn't have to be meaningless. It's perfectly meaningful to have innocent fun with somebody else.

[-] shawn1122@sh.itjust.works 1 points 2 hours ago

Sure but I'd argue if both parties are going in openly with that intention that is a type of connection on its own.

[-] latenightnoir 93 points 1 day ago

Yeah, totally! Getting my dick wet is precisely the kind of emotional and intellectual connection I'm missing! The penis is my data transfer cable.

[-] 0ops@piefed.zip 20 points 21 hours ago

The penis is my data transfer cable.

That could almost be a CAKE lyric

[-] SkaveRat@discuss.tchncs.de 13 points 22 hours ago

[USB Connection sound]

Remember to safely unmount

[-] rumschlumpel@feddit.org 3 points 20 hours ago* (last edited 20 hours ago)

TBF, they seem closely correlated. It seems unlikely (though not impossible) that you'll find the emotional intimacy we expect from romantic relationships but won't get any sex.

[-] rooroo@feddit.org 1 points 5 hours ago

Honestly the people that make me feel not lonely are not the ones I have sex with. Don’t put all your eggs in one basket; that’s how you end up in a codependent mess. Loneliness isn’t about romantic partners only, and friendships can be the most fulfilling things.

[-] shawn1122@sh.itjust.works 4 points 10 hours ago* (last edited 10 hours ago)

Strongly disagree. I've met far too many young men that see sex as a means to an often self serving end. Sex is a means of expressing love towards another person, it's not meant for self gratification. Seeing it that way is a recipe to have a lot of meaningless sex only to be left wondering why you feel so empty.

Theres a reason women generally don't climax from being jackhammered or even from clitoral stimualtion in many situations. They're coded for that emotional connection as a prerequisite for good sex. We are coded that way too but modern culture has painted that type of vulnerability as "unmanly".

In my view, a strong emotional connection creates the necessary conditions for good sex. But you don't need good sex to have a strong emotional connection.

Men can end their loneliness epidemic by getting their priorities straight.

[-] rumschlumpel@feddit.org 1 points 8 hours ago

I never said that you can't have sex without emotional intimacy. But the kind of emotional intimacy you get in a good romantic relationship is something that in our society your relatively unlikely to get outside of such a relationship, at least if you're a man. Not impossible, and it should be more common, but right now it's just not, especially for men.

[-] Doc_Crankenstein@slrpnk.net 3 points 13 hours ago

This is such a toxic mentality. If you can't get emotional intimacy in a romantic relationship without sex then you have problems you need to work on.

[-] latenightnoir 5 points 16 hours ago

That's if one assumes that the loneliness is caused solely by a lack of romantic connection, yes.

Personally, I'm lacking in the friendship and acceptance department as well, and sex most certainly isn't a part of either of those.

[-] ruuster13@lemmy.zip 21 points 22 hours ago

"Male loneliness epidemic" = "all lives matter." Though counterintuitive, they both attempt to bring increased attention to men on an issue that is already universal. There is a loneliness epidemic conversation you could join.

[-] abbotsbury@lemmy.world 14 points 18 hours ago

“Male loneliness epidemic” = “all lives matter.”

I disagree, ALM is a whataboutism meant to distract from the BLM movement. There is no loneliness epidemic movement, so if some men want to get together and discuss how loneliness particularly affects them, good for them.

[-] ruuster13@lemmy.zip 3 points 17 hours ago

Sorry you've felt left out of the conversation. If you spend time in male-only spaces you'll find they aren't talking about it.

[-] Tar_alcaran@sh.itjust.works 232 points 1 day ago

Anon conflates the desire for a more involved and expanded social life with just having sex, thereby perfectly explaining their lack of a more involved and expanded social life.

[-] Catoblepas@piefed.blahaj.zone 49 points 1 day ago

That’s definitely a decent chunk of what people in the media who talk about the ‘male loneliness epidemic’ are talking about, though. I don’t think I’ve read a single article about it that doesn’t devote time to how little sex young men allegedly aren’t having.

[-] fckreddit@lemmy.ml 72 points 1 day ago

How does having sex once same as not being lonely? Sure I am lonely and virgin. But, I could just as easily be not virgin and still lonely AF.

[-] Frozengyro@lemmy.world 20 points 1 day ago

Yea, I would imagine a 30-40 yo virgin may end up getting a sex worker. having sex with a sex worker doesn't really reduce loneliness.

[-] MachineFab812@discuss.tchncs.de 3 points 20 hours ago* (last edited 13 hours ago)

Some just gotta have sex before they can acknowlege that it might not be all their life is missing. Teenage hormones are so over-the-top, its a wonder so many of these men live long enough to voice their beliefs from the older age brackets.

[-] workerONE@lemmy.world 39 points 1 day ago

"premarital sex" also known as sex

[-] mrgoosmoos@lemmy.ca 5 points 22 hours ago

yeah but it was a one night stand so you know it made them feel extra less lonely

[-] AI_toothbrush@lemmy.zip 64 points 1 day ago
  1. That is sex. You can have all the sex you want and still be lonely.
  2. Those stats are probably the "we asked some people" kind which means everyone who had their first relationship at 24 will say that "oh yeah technically i was with that random girl in grade school so you know what lets say its 12"
[-] yermaw@sh.itjust.works 3 points 19 hours ago

She went to a different school you wouldn't know her

[-] nectar45@lemmy.zip 3 points 17 hours ago

This is terrible news....

[-] tetris11@lemmy.ml 37 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

16.8? jesus.

I wanna see some breakdowns of these stats by country and socioeconomic factors

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[-] Endymion_Mallorn@kbin.melroy.org 26 points 1 day ago

Yup. the sexual loneliness epidemic is easing up, because we're all fighting back to 'normal'. But ask most men this simple question: how many non-sexual friends do you have in your life that you communicate with more than once a week?

[-] Sonor@lemmy.world 28 points 1 day ago

i think a simple "what do you feel right now" would stump half the population.

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this post was submitted on 27 Aug 2025
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