Wake up.
Log into work.
Take meds.
Check email and messages.
Stupid morning meeting that takes too long.
Do work.
Go to lunch.
Catch up with new messages that came in while I was at lunch.
Stupid afternoon meeting that takes too long.
Stupid late afternoon meeting that takes too long.
Work.
Crash because exhausted.
Wake up at 10 PM.
Struggle to remember evening meds.
Sleep.
Wake up at 3 AM.
Beat brain into submission with Microsoft Solitaire.
Go back to sleep at 5 AM.

In an 8 hour day I get a good 3 hours of actual work done.

I’ve been gradually optimizing towards immediate existential dread over the past few years. Still get distracted sometimes, but I’m getting there.

I envy you for having a routine.

You woke up? Like, at a predetermined time? What sorcery is this?!

wdym you have a routine??

Wake up

If I have a job scheduled, go there. If not, go to one of my longer projects. If all are caught up, make coffee and turn on PS5. Tell myself ill catch up on the home and office work I need to.

Don't. Realize a half hour before my wife gets home that I haven't even done the dishes. Hurriedly wash them while warming up the oven, idk what's going in there but we'll cross that bridge after staring at the open fridge and dissociating.

Later, ill once again play games, watch TV, or read instead of the ten minutes of work I need to do.

Tell myself ill work on it tomorrow as the background anxiety quietly rises in level.

Fall asleep on the couch in the worst position I could possibly achieve.