I'm an on call mortician. I spend a lot of time walking around funeral homes at night in the dark. I heard shit moving around and weird crashing noises all the time. I fuckin ignore that shit. Oh, what? The demon wants attention again, so I have to take my earbuds out? Nah. Not tonight Satan. I'm really into this audio book.

When the abyss stares back at you, maintain flirty eye contact

Get yourself an Aztec death whistle and just blow as hard as you can all of the sudden. They'll go away.

This looks like a picture from those "scary stories to tell in the dark" kids books.

actually what you should probably do is make sure your co/co2/other poisonous gas detectors are working.

I once heard sex noises through the wall.

So I cranked up the volume and played the samples from Sinistar.

I HUNGER. RUN COWARD.

I had to laugh at this way harder than is probably healthy.

And in the middle apartment: Me, trying to sleep while these idiots are howling at each other. 😩