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Patch this Bish! (mander.xyz)
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[-] moonlight@fedia.io 108 points 2 days ago
  • separated genetalia from waste systems

  • removed body hair and baldness

  • fixed acne glitch

  • added ability to change biological sex, with default neutral configuration

  • rerouted laryngeal nerve

  • uterus lining is now reabsorbed automatically

  • reinforced spine and knees

  • simplified foot structure

  • adjusted mental pathways to better adapt to modern environment

[-] morrowind@lemmy.ml 4 points 1 day ago

What's the laryngeal nerve and what's wrong with it?

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[-] lena@gregtech.eu 24 points 2 days ago

added ability to change biological sex

PLEASE

[-] idiomaddict@lemmy.world 14 points 2 days ago

I like baldness and body hair! They should be optional too

[-] Swedneck@discuss.tchncs.de 20 points 2 days ago

i'm not sure i want to know what the first point would look like, moving either the genitals or the anus sounds horrifying, and i especially don't want to imagine where penis wielders would urinate or ejaculate from if those functions are separated..

..perhaps we'd do like octopi, reach under and fetch a sperm package that we present instead of a wedding ring? Or maybe let's just leave it like it is and not create horrors.

[-] prettybunnys@sh.itjust.works 3 points 2 days ago

Let’s also reroute the ulnar nerve, thx

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[-] Meowstermind@slrpnk.net 43 points 2 days ago

We need to have some process engineers look at the pregnancy and birthing process, there's much room for improvement. Maybe take a totally new approach to it, it's just not it.

[-] LifeInMultipleChoice@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

Agreed, that shits rough on people. Impacts of teeth and post-partum. Yet a funny thing there is that we can tell you down to the day you were impregnated by the growth of the fetus.

Next person. Sir drink this stuff to make you shit your brains out and I'm going to shove my finger in your ass to see if we can get a scope of what your insides are like.

[-] caseyweederman@lemmy.ca 10 points 2 days ago

Just divide at a cellular level, nature has already solved this problem! Upstart life forms these days thinking they can reinvent the wheel.

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[-] TDCN@feddit.dk 22 points 2 days ago

Can we also fix the depression glitch where happiness points aren't collected and your brain energy bar depleats completely with no way of regeneration without hacking the brain with 3rd party tool antidepressants.

Exercice helps but 3rd party tool are often still needed.

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[-] JackbyDev@programming.dev 29 points 2 days ago
  • Suffocation sensation is now tied to a lack of oxygen instead of an abundance of carbon dioxide.
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[-] Godnroc@lemmy.world 54 points 2 days ago
  • Eating and breathing pathways no longer intersect. This should prevent the bug when food could block the airway and result in death.
[-] scops@reddthat.com 22 points 2 days ago

Yeah, it's crazy to me that people believe we were "intelligently designed" when our food hole and breathing hole are so close that we can only use one at a time, and that our waste dumping grounds are right next to the amusement park.

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[-] deo@lemmy.dbzer0.com 11 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago)

This is actually a result of changes to our larynx and stuff, which allows us to make such a variety of sounds when speaking. In other animals (and human babies), the air and food tubes are physically separated at rest. But in humans, our epiglottis can't properly keep things separate because our larynx is further down in our throat.

So, I'm gonna have to deny this request on the grounds that it will necessarily break the speech feature, which many of our users depend on heavily.

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[-] kersploosh@sh.itjust.works 57 points 2 days ago

-cartilage in joints can regenerate

-body can synthesize its own vitamin c

Other species already do these things smh.

[-] phdepressed@sh.itjust.works 13 points 2 days ago

We used to do the vitamin c but then were like its too easy to get elsewhere why bother.

[-] tiny@midwest.social 27 points 2 days ago

I would have thought eating and breathing from the same hole would have been in this release 😞 guess I'll just have to wait till 3.0

[-] absGeekNZ@lemmy.nz 27 points 2 days ago

Add new receptors to be able to feel wetness.
This is it cold or wet thing we have going on is just crappy design.

[-] callyral@pawb.social 33 points 2 days ago

Well, we do glow in infrared...

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[-] cm0002@lemmy.world 40 points 2 days ago

2.0? Bruh, humans are still on pre-v1 beta

Frankly, I don't know how anyone can look at the absolute shit show that is the human body and go "yup, this was totally intelligently designed"

Apparently a lot of males are still in alpha.

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[-] Sebbe@lemmy.sebbem.se 29 points 2 days ago

The mosquito. By far the worst part of the human body!

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[-] frezik@midwest.social 26 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago)

If teeth regenerate, do we have to constantly chew on things like rodents? Or is it an as-needed thing?

[-] Prandom_returns@lemm.ee 11 points 2 days ago
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[-] kopasz7@sh.itjust.works 17 points 2 days ago

No, you just get a new set growing in the gums.

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[-] WrenFeathers@lemmy.world 22 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago)

I’d like someone to at least look into the whole ADHD thing. It’s been going on for some time now without any word on why it’s there, or what it’s for- and aside from funny and relatable memes, it’s yet to provide any positive results.

[-] mdd@lemm.ee 10 points 2 days ago

I'd like to add depression and anxiety to fixing ADHD as an individual can exhibit all three.

This can be split into several patches if necessary.

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[-] TropicalDingdong@lemmy.world 28 points 2 days ago

Ahem... maybe new players forgot this, but humans have been bioluminescent since the oxygenic respiration patch ages ago.

https://www.sciencealert.com/you-can-t-see-it-but-humans-actually-glow-in-visible-light

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[-] Zwiebel@feddit.org 24 points 2 days ago

Casually forgot about cancer

[-] Nougat@fedia.io 35 points 2 days ago

That’s going to take some time, it’s a kernel bug.

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[-] philpo@feddit.org 18 points 2 days ago

Can we rather make the kernel more stable before we change the design? These instabilities cause the whole process to hang itself up or terminate FAR to often!

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[-] Alwaysnownevernotme@lemmy.world 16 points 2 days ago

Saltwater consumption when????

I think that's just kidney 2.0 right?

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[-] aaa@lemmy.sdf.org 14 points 2 days ago
[-] samus12345@lemm.ee 20 points 2 days ago

We require too much power for it to suffice alone, but it would be nice to have as a hybrid source of energy!

[-] ryedaft@sh.itjust.works 10 points 2 days ago

Someone did the math for photosynthetic cows and they would only get about 1% of their energy requirement. It's not viable.

[-] absGeekNZ@lemmy.nz 11 points 2 days ago

Cows farm out their photosynthesis to things that have far more surface area than they do.

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[-] Duamerthrax@lemmy.world 17 points 2 days ago

These are the sort of genetic engineering/eugenists I want to see. None of that "deleting gay gene" or "breeding smart people" pseudo science garbage.

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[-] executivechimp@discuss.tchncs.de 18 points 2 days ago
[-] brokenlcd@feddit.it 15 points 2 days ago

Well if we want to get pedantic, adrenaline exists.

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this post was submitted on 04 Feb 2025
964 points (100.0% liked)

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