Malaphor

https://www.thoughtco.com/malaphor-word-play-1691298

We'll drive off that bridge when we get to it

My buddy and I have a whole list of these…I started calling them masonism’s because he messes them up so often lol

“I don’t give a shit if he wrote the Mona Lisa!”

“I’m not attached to my hip!”

“I’m taking my own life…into my own hands!”

“How’s that for apples?”

“There’s not enough meat to play with”

“That’s a hit…and a miss!”

“If it weighs anything to you….”

“Jesus Christ! That’s slave robbery!

“Welp, I’m going to get hard at work”

“I’m making shit up out of my ass.”

“He was flopping back and forth” (flip flopping)

“I’m going to go tell this kid a piece of my mind…”

“Oh, here you go….you’re going to piss on my parade!”

“Don’t count your chickens before they turn into eggs.”

“Well isn’t that the horse calling the kettle black”

“Does a fat kid shit in the woods?”

“I can sleep through a rock!”

Ibanez AZ series guitars? Yea I know them like they’re in the back of my hand…”

“There’s a lot of onions to that…”

“I’m pulling it off my head”

“Knock the balls off!

-knock it out of the park/socks off

“That’s a double sided sword!”

“You can’t lead a horse to fish…”

A malapropism? Does that apply? 🤔

That's like if you said "mute point" instead of "moot point."

How the hell should I know, I’m not a rocket surgeon

"I could care less"

"It's not rocket surgery."

This one irks me. Combination of "rocket scientist" and "brain surgery".

Get two birds stoned at once

• The grass is always greener in the hand.
• You can lead a horse to water, but you can't look it in its mouth.
• We'll burn that bridge when we come to it.
• Caught with his pants in the cookie jar.

"Not the brightest cookie in the crayon box" is an amalgamation of 3 different sayings I've been trying to make happen. It won't happen.

"The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb." Meaning contracts, friendships, and keeping promises should take priority over family loyalty.

Now changed to "Blood is thicker than water" and means the exact opposite of the original.

One of my standbys is “that horse has sailed”.

It's often called an eggcorn, and here's a really good video that touches on it: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=JTslqcXsFd4&pp=ygUMRWdnY29ybiBlcmlr

The weirdest one I used to hear often was "for all intensive purposes," like wtf is an intensive purpose?

I'm running around like a chicken with its legs cut off.

The correct term is Rickyism

Does a bear shit in the Pope’s hat?

"I'm lost for words"

I like ‘bob’s your oyster’ because both original phrases are nonsensical to me. Is there a word isometric to portmanteau but for phrases / idioms?

Not the brightest bulb in the shed

I thought "cakewalk" was a clever American amalgamation of "a piece of cake" and "a walk in the park".

Turns out it's actually related to slavery, so probably doesn't count.

I always liked "Hindsight is 50/50"