I want to be played by a dog

My life isn't very interesting, but it'd really spice things up if they had a dog try to do it.

Aubrey Plaza. She’s way hotter than me (that’s kinda the point), and not half Japanese (will make the racist parts confusing and/or hilarious) but she could definitely pull off my resting bitch face and general disdain for everything.

Danny Devito.

...I'm a woman.

I'm pretty tall, so the logical choice would be Tom Cruise on 12 inch heels.

Brad Pitt.

Bit of a downgrade but I can live with it.

Gary Oldman, dude's a chameleon. I'm sure he could find a way to play a mid 30s SE Asian dude

I want my movie to be cast entirely with Muppets and Tim Walz.

Christopher Walken, Jeff Goldblum, Willem Dafoe, and Gary Oldman. All of them.

David Cross and Bob Odenkirk, with a made-up face surgery scene mid-film to explain the change.

Nicolas Cage

Looks nothing like, but it would be funny as hell and in order to get him to sign up, they would have to make it somehow trippy and surreal.

Zac Efron.

The girl I was crushing on in high school crushed on him really hard as he appeared in High School Musical. I spent wayyyy too much of my youth trying to emulate Zac Efron as a result. Eventually, that whole style just kinda became my whole style. Seems like a good fit.

John Malkovich, I don't know why. I just like him. And I think he would be kind in my portrayal.

Karl Pilkington. he would do a great job of complaining about every minor inconvenience I've dealt with

I’ve been told more than once that I look like “that creepy Scarecrow guy from Batman Begins.” So I guess Cillian Murphy. I didn’t like looking creepy tho.

I look like a middle-aged Richard Gere, with hair loss. All action on the sides, and nothing on top.

Adrien Brody.

I'm told, quite often, I look like him. Plus he's a method actor or whatever do we would get to hang out which might be cool. He seems nice.

For the 5% of my adult life that I’ve had short hair and no beard: Quentin Tarantino. For the rest of my bearded, long-haired adulthood: Steve Burke from Gamers Nexus. But they need to have blue/green eyes and forehead wrinkles.
(Huh. On paper that just sounds like I look like Nick Offerman, but not really.)

John Cusack (high fidelity)

Melissa McCarthy, she has a good sense of humor which is great because my life is kind of a joke.

People say I look like Carrie Ann Moss (Trinity) but as a child I had more Lucy Lawless resemblances. So I don't know, but either case they'll have to get a tan cause I'm more of a Penelope Cruz skin tone.

Rowan Atkinson.

Was hoping to see Margot Robbie in here requesting Margot Robbie play her

Gary Busey in cheap drag

No question at all, definitely Tim Robbins, although he is older than me, we are fan casting.

Jason Mamoa. I look like if he took a break from the gym for a year. He and I also share several hobbies.

Some lonely sad miserable and depressed actor

Depp , he’s about the only one that could pull it off.

Ronald Reagan, the actor

Toni Collette or Kathy Bates both horror queens and monarchs of my heart.