Anon gets diagnosed : greentext

[-] Jerkface@lemmy.world 112 points 2 months ago

YO, my mom did this to me! In fact I figured a lot of this shit out when I found r/raisedbynarcissists. I saw a lot of people there claimed to be on the spectrum which I thought was pretty weird. So I follow the rabbit hole and I learn about PTSD, CPTSD and I start seeing a therapist about it. Turns out she just didn't want to be responsible for fucking up her kid.

[-] candyman337@sh.itjust.works 38 points 2 months ago

Is it not common for people with autism to develop cptsd though? It could be possible you have both right?

[-] Jerkface@lemmy.world 53 points 2 months ago

No it's more likely that my emotionally and financially abusive car stealing, gaslighting, steal-money-out-of-my-wallet-while-I'm-sleeping parent just didn't want to be held accountable for her shitty "parenting." Also the multiple expert evaluations that say I'm not diagnosably autistic. But I guess I should listen to the guy that analyzes people's mental health based on a four sentence internet post uninvited, right?

[-] Sinaf@lemmy.world 53 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

But I guess I should listen to the guy that analyzes people's mental health based on a four sentence internet post uninvited, right?

I think you don't really mean these words and you are subconsciously projecting the feelings you feel towards your mother onto an unknown person on the Internet.

Here's some cocain to calm your nerves.

[-] candyman337@sh.itjust.works 41 points 2 months ago

Yes it was a genuine innocent inquiry. Didn't mean to offend.

[-] colderr@lemmy.world 9 points 2 months ago

I don't want to be mean, but their name is Jerkface.

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[-] Shelena@feddit.nl 6 points 2 months ago

I can see that you did not mean anything offensive by it. However, I have had similar things happening to me (misdiagnosis of autism so my parents did not have to take responsibility for tramuatising me) and I might have responded similarly.

When someone imposes a diagnosis on you that is wrong and does it for selfish reasons, when you are a child, it is very harmful. It hurts your feeling of self worth to the core and makes you constantly question yourself and who you are. It takes a lot of strength to stop the selfdoubt and finally conclude that you do not have autism and that what you feel and think is correct and not what you have been told all your life by the people you were supposed to be able to trust. That is really a very difficult thing to do, because the anxiety that something is "wrong" with you after all is always there. It takes courage.

If you have been struggling with questioning yourself in this way and if you state that you are not autistic after all, then it is difficult to deal with a response suggesting that you might be wrong. That is almost painful.

I know that you did not mean it that way. There is no way you could have known if this is something you have no experience with. Also, I cannot say something about why someone else responds in a certain way. I might be wrong about that. However, when I read your question, I immediately got quite triggered as well. I guess I just wanted to explain where a response like this can come from in some cases.

[-] candyman337@sh.itjust.works 9 points 2 months ago

I see now how my question could be taken as a malicious one, I do apologize, thanks for explaining.

[-] Shelena@feddit.nl 5 points 2 months ago

No apologies necessary, in my opinion. You did not mean anything negative and you did not know. I just wanted to explain the other side.

[-] BackOnMyBS@lemmy.autism.place 23 points 2 months ago

Yoooo, I'm AuDHD and my father was a raging narcissist (possibly psychopath). Additionally, I'm currently recovering from CPTSD after a hell of a lot of recent emotional abuse. I get the intense emotions feeling invalidated brings up. They're legit and justified. As a survivor of that insane childhood and environment, it hurts to see others go through it because I know how bad it can be. Other people will never be able to understand it if they even believe you, so I'm sorry you went through that. You were just a kid, and no matter your reactions and behaviors at the time, it wasn't your fault. It couldn't have been your fault because it's all you knew.

Sometimes though, people are only asking a question to gather information and clarify, not build a case against you, imply that you're "wrong", and make you look like the "crazy one". I can't speak on their behalf, but I think @candyman337@sh.itjust.works was just asking to understand better and didn't mean anything against you by it. If that's the case, then while your reaction makes complete sense, you might have better outcomes if you were to practice assessing situations and responding in a way that helps you reach your goals. This would give you more control over your life while compassionately validating yourself. It would also help you avoid the trap that narcissists lay when they trigger you to act out to make you look unhinged. So either way, unless you're in immediate physical danger, staying calm and collected is the best move.

Also, my intention is merely to help you. I am not trying to insult you, imply fault, or make any judgement on your character. We all make mistakes sometimes (I still make them all the time), so it is completely understandable. All it means is that you're trying, and that's something to be proud of considering the history of what you've been through. I hope this comment helps you ❤️

[-] addictedtochaos@lemm.ee 3 points 2 months ago

ha,** thar's** an autistic answer me gusta

[-] BackOnMyBS@lemmy.autism.place 3 points 2 months ago

Really‽ Can you help me understand how? I'm not offended in anyway at all. I would just like to gain some awareness of how my communication is perceived by others, so I think it would be helpful for me to understand your perspective. I know that people can be reserved because they feel cautious with intercultural topics, so if you feel more comfortable, feel free to DM instead. Whatever works for you 🙂

[-] addictedtochaos@lemm.ee 2 points 2 months ago

you are trying to be very neutral, you try to put your ego aside, you try to weigh every tiny aspect of the thing that bothers you, you seem very logical about it, you dont know how to prioritze in importan or not important, you DID assess the social situation expertly and correct, you bothered doing that in the first place, you seem big on truth and justice, you tried to help the dude out of compassion because you obviously had or have communication problems yourself,

you have been manipultaded because you are naive as shit, took you decades to learn to say no and set boundaries.

and bla bla bla

one tip: a no has to have consequences. really think about it, you have to follow up you no with action, its very important.

its not your communication per se that reminds ME of autism, but your way with dealing with situations.

thanks and take care, you are a cool dude (or dudette)

[-] BackOnMyBS@lemmy.autism.place 2 points 2 months ago

wowwwww~ thank you! I'm saving this comment.

[-] addictedtochaos@lemm.ee 2 points 2 months ago

thanks a lot ;-)

remember saying no has to have consequences!

watch out for: friends don't accept no, try to convince you (once in a while that okay... its hard to sniff out)

people argue via the benefits YOU will have, without mentioning THEIR benefits, and you don't even want the benefits they are trying to sell you

you defend people in your friend group, people never defend you

people always seem ok with interrupting you, no one bothers to put a stopgap in, so you can finish what you have in mind

let people talk, while thinking. people will tell you who they are, but you have to give yourself space to really listen to them.

mostly, their words dont fit into their actions.

look out for key phrases - one might be: "So you are saying? " this is usually followed by a thing you did not say at all. another might be: "I am so sorry you feel that way."

train your self for these key phrases, ALARMS have to go on in your head. Have a script ready.

What i do for the "so you are saying" is the following:

I bid them politely and soft spoken to repeat the question, as soon as they are past 3 words, I interrupt them really loud and aggressive with:

"NO, I DID NOT SAY THAT AT ALL!"

then I shut up and stare. I say nothing. the other guy has to say something first. it is a powerstruggle.

You can't do that with a pro, but most people are not used to that. A pro will see instantly see what is going on, and put you down, it is inevitable.

learn in what situation you are in.

combative, social, competetive, diplomacy or bartering. dont make my mistake, each and every situation was always social for me.

other people dont perceive it like that.

ok, I am glad you pulled yourself up by your bootstraps. (figure of speech)

i had a hard time also. i whish you a good week!

[-] BackOnMyBS@lemmy.autism.place 2 points 2 months ago

remember saying no has to have consequences!

Yep! I've put that into practice. Sick of giving everyone the benefit of the doubt. I think I used to give it a lot because I thought I needed it a lot due to my autistic traits missing social cues and whatever implications people took from my statements/behaviors. Lately, I've recognized that a lot of what I thought were the impact of my aloof behaviors were actually others shaming me. Previously, I would just assume I messed up and would try to learn social rules from it. Now, I'm at the point that if I say something and someone took it wrong, we can address it collaboratively. But if I'm the one that is expected to make changes to accommodate their perception rather than negotiating a happy middle in which we both make changes, then forget it. I'm not going to be the one that is automatically "wrong" whenever there is a disagreement.

mostly, their words dont fit into their actions.

Yes!! I learned the acronym ABB: Always Believe Behavior. If someone says something but behaves differently, the behavior is the truth.

look out for key phrases - one might be: "So you are saying? " this is usually followed by a thing you did not say at all.

I've been working on something similar. Basically, I'm tired of people telling me what I mean and more importantly, what my intentions are or why I do things. Thinking back to the people I remember using that phrase often, those people ended up being unbearable to me. Eventually, I would just stay quiet to avoid them taking anything the wrong way, which meant I would stop existing. Sucks I went through all of that, but at least I learned how to use I-statements well!

another might be: “I am so sorry you feel that way.”

And "you're too sensitive!" lol. I seriously want a shirt on it that says "I'm too sensitive" to wear it like a badge of honor.

What i do for the “so you are saying” is the following: I bid them politely and soft spoken to repeat the question, as soon as they are past 3 words, I interrupt them really loud and aggressive with: “NO, I DID NOT SAY THAT AT ALL!” then I shut up and stare. I say nothing. the other guy has to say something first. it is a powerstruggle.

That doesn't seem like something that would work well with my style of interaction, but I appreciate the example. I rarely talk through implication unless I'm making a ridiculous joke. Aside from underplaying my feelings and experiences, I think I am very direct. So, if someone is asking me, "So you are saying...?" then there is a major disconnect in communication, or we're back to that "putting words in my mouth" crap. Either way, if that happens infrequently, then it might be tolerable. If it's a routine thing, then there's no need to maintain that relationship.

combative, social, competetive, diplomacy or bartering. dont make my mistake, each and every situation was always social for me.

In the past, I would fawn when I noticed competitiveness hoping that their "win" would cause them to stop it, but I've learned that more often than not, they're never satisfied. The point isn't to win. It's to dominate. I've done a lot better with combative environments in the past year, so I'm happy with that progress. While I've learned to reject combative situations, I have still stayed in for longer than I should have in competitive ones. I'm working on leaving those situations much quicker now though. Lately, I've been immersing myself in situations that are collaborative or at the least, understanding. There's definitely a different feel to it. It's much nicer and enjoyable. The competitive ones are exhausting.
Bonus: Hanging around other neurodivergent people has helped me gain perspective by seeing how people treat them. It's a lot easier for me to see toxic and manipulative behaviors happen from a 3rd person perspective. Once I see it, then it's easier to recognize when it's happening to me in 1st person. Bonus from bonus: helps me have a lot of compassion for myself.

ok, I am glad you pulled yourself up by your bootstraps. (figure of speech)

Thank you, and you too! I appreciate the conversation. I hope you have a nice week also.

[-] JokeDeity@lemm.ee 4 points 2 months ago

This response feels autistic.

[-] orcrist@lemm.ee 5 points 2 months ago

Do you have evidence that that would be more or less common than the other relevant comparisons (i.e., everyone, and people raised by shitty parents)?

If you don't, the "possible" argument is blind speculation, and that's inappropriate in these situations. Many things are possible in this world, my friend, but we mostly care about what's probable and then what's true

[-] Shelena@feddit.nl 4 points 2 months ago

The same thing happened to me. I did not know it is a common thing! I was told I am autistic, but it turns out I have CPTSD. I think telling me I was autistic it was just an easy was to blame the ways in which I responded to being traumatised on me again.

[-] addictedtochaos@lemm.ee 46 points 2 months ago

turns out my whole family is toxic as *hit because we all have adhd or autism, i have both. dad is autistic, mom has adhd.

i am the only one diagnosed with treatment.

i blocked half of my family, for good reason.

[-] ThatWeirdGuy1001@lemmy.world 63 points 2 months ago

You can say shit on the internet. If you're gonna self censor just don't use the word at all ffs

[-] prettybunnys@sh.itjust.works 30 points 2 months ago

Right?

Say the word or pick a different word.

[-] addictedtochaos@lemm.ee 7 points 2 months ago

no.

[-] acockworkorange@mander.xyz 4 points 2 months ago

You keep doing you, bud.

[-] addictedtochaos@lemm.ee 3 points 2 months ago

I won't

[-] sugar_in_your_tea@sh.itjust.works 6 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

Ok, then keep doing whoever it is you're doing.

[-] addictedtochaos@lemm.ee 4 points 2 months ago

noooooo. now i am stuck in a paradox thing loop

[-] calcopiritus@lemmy.world 9 points 2 months ago

Oh that's what it is. I read that as "hit" and kept looking for the closing '*'. That is so fucking annoying.

[-] addictedtochaos@lemm.ee 3 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

no. ffs, did you censor yourself? get out of here

[-] ayaya@lemdro.id 9 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

Similar story here. Asperger's runs on both of my parents' sides of the family. In addition Dad has ADHD and mom has BPD. I ended up with the Autism+ADHD combo with sprinkling of CPTSD on top. I don't even know where the neurological problems end and the psychological problems begin.

Have not talked to either in well over a decade.

[-] addictedtochaos@lemm.ee 7 points 2 months ago

I read that adhd families are way often structured in very unhealthy was than you might think.

my theory is, that my siblings and my mom don't want to get diagnosed, because then they had to accept that they are defective; the are living the delusion that all their countless adhd problems are somebodies elses fault.

they can never break out of that thinking.

[-] match@pawb.social 9 points 2 months ago

if the microplastics cause neurodivergence how the fuck would we ever know

[-] addictedtochaos@lemm.ee 3 points 2 months ago

i think its a gene defect that gets ampflified by bad nutrition, a glucose pathway defect.

[-] sugar_in_your_tea@sh.itjust.works 2 points 2 months ago

Based on what science?

[-] addictedtochaos@lemm.ee 1 points 2 months ago

biochemistry

[-] sugar_in_your_tea@sh.itjust.works 1 points 2 months ago

Source?

[-] addictedtochaos@lemm.ee 1 points 2 months ago

i can't give you a source, because, believe me, you would be looking at

well its just to much. its biochemistry....

look up glucose acetate metabolism, adhd glucose- insulin pathway gene defects, combine that with insuline resistance. you get the insuline resistance by craving sugar. you crave sugar because of the pathway defect; if you eat the sugar, insuline gets activated, boom you have energy.

ritalin does essentially the same, since its a stimulant, it ramps up basal metabolic rate. if you ramp that up, the body will go into glucoseneogenesis, and insulin will also get realeased. thats why ritalin wont work or work not ideal if you dont eat; it will not work at all if you are insuline rsistant /thats different fron defective insuline realease)

so its the release that is defective from the start.

thats why nutrition with a focus on acetate metablisism has benefits for autism and adhd.

thats why people crave alcohol, acetate metabolism. thats why people on antidepressants crave sweets and alcohol , antidepresesants, most of them, make you insuline resistant. thats how antidepressants slow down metabolic basal rate, and why you get fat and sedentary.

[-] sugar_in_your_tea@sh.itjust.works 2 points 2 months ago

Interesting, I didn't realize that ADHD and autism occur so frequently together. Also:

Interestingly, initial small studies have explored the potential use of intranasal insulin as a therapeutic intervention for ADHD. A pilot study by Shemesh et al. (2021) found that a single dose of intranasal insulin improved cognitive performance and attention in adults with ADHD. While these results are promising, larger-scale clinical trials are needed to evaluate the safety and efficacy of this approach.

Well, now I have a rabbit hole to go down. I hope you and your family can find something that works, healthy family relationships can be very rewarding, and avoiding them largely due to a hopefully treatable medical condition sucks. Anyway, thanks for the explanation!

[-] addictedtochaos@lemm.ee 2 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

thanks for the link. i marked it for reading.

yeah, the insuline thing really makes me wonder.....

i am very sad that my brother is deteroirating rapidly from 12 years of anti depressants. he had like shizo thoughts, which is kinda normal if you abuse alcohol and various drugs havily, and then decide to go cold turkey.

either way, he is loosing hair, showing all signs of malnutrition while being fat, has all kinds of ailments. his docs dont believe in adhd. my niece got diagnosed recently as well.

its kinda typical that adhd people can't acknowledge adhd,, because it shatters the lottle self worth they retain by claim they turned out this way because of incident X that happened at age 15, or because of hpw my father handled family life (he is not abuseisve or anything, but he is a father with autism, that can be taxing)

wait till you hear that keto nutrition benefits bipolar persons, binge eaters, parkinson people, epileptics, and thoses people who have severe ticks, like, tourettes.

why is that?

the answer is acetate metabolism.

do you want to know why canabis works?

canabis receptors have something to do with the insuline glucose mechanism, i don't know yet what, i am just a former worker with no education.

so, take this all as my opinion.

but, at the other hand, biochemistry does not lie...

it is a very captivating topic. its my special interest for now.

[-] Shelena@feddit.nl 33 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

I thought I was the only one! I really did not know that this is something that happens more often.

My mother managed to convince her psychiatrist to diagnose me with autism when I was 13. He told me that I had autism and that if I did not get treated, I would be alone forever and I would never be able to make friends. He also called it a handicap. No treatment was started, there was no help or anything after that. The psychiatrist told me and I never saw him again. My mother told everyone around her I was autistic and they all felt very bad for her, including me. I felt really sad she had me for a daughter and I hated myself for being who I was. I also was bullied in school and I thought it was my own fault because I was autistic and therefore I did stuff that made others bully me. I was the one in the wrong and it was just a response to that, I felt.

Turns out I am not autistic at all. Like, I had it checked out thoroughly and there was no doubt about it. I actually an able to emphasise with others better than average etc. I also have some really close friends, which I made once I was able to leave home. I do have CPTSD though from severe emotional neglect and psychological abuse.

It is so weird to see similar stories here. I know my social skills are fine, but I still feel insecure about my social functioning. I am always looking for stuff I might do wrong that confirms that I am autistic after all. I also still feel like something is fundamentally wrong with me and as if my existence is somehow an enormous burden for others. (This is not how I feel about autistic people, but it is how I was made to feel about myself by that diagnosis.) It is a feeling that is very difficult to change.

[-] AbsoluteChicagoDog@lemm.ee 14 points 2 months ago

It's easier for shitty parents to blame anyone but themselves

[-] Shelena@feddit.nl 3 points 2 months ago

Yes, definitely. I did have a lot of symptoms of trauma as a child, in hindsight. This provided an explanation for that in which my parents weren't blamed for it and it was just all on me again.

[-] drunkpostdisaster@lemmy.world 20 points 2 months ago

I got constant anxiety attacks about how my mom will react to anything.

[-] Shelena@feddit.nl 2 points 2 months ago

Are you still in that situation or do you mean that that happened in the past? For me it got better once I left home. Although I was still in contact with her. Now it is much better, because I only occasionally have contact with her and only via text. It took me years to get there, but I did. I hope you do too if you have not already.

[-] drunkpostdisaster@lemmy.world 3 points 2 months ago

Yes and no. Right now I am kind of dependent on her because the last two jobs I had both went under so I am unemployed. She helps me and I need it. But at the same time I feel like its more of a control thing. I love her, but I cannot deny how she makes me feel whenever I make the tiniest mistake and she basically blamed me for those companies shitting the bed.

[-] addictedtochaos@lemm.ee 2 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

my brother has the same thing, although the details are different.

my mother would even buy him alcohol. they are in a symbiotic emotional abuse situation.

she needs to keep him a child, and he wants to be safe and secure, but at the same time, it eats him up, since he also wants to be an independant man.

so he needs his mother, but hates her at the same time.

she needs someone to fuss about, since without it, she is nothing. she hated when the rest of us grew up.

she overstepped boundairies countless times. phoned with schools, workplaces. hospitals. boyfriends from my sisters, multiple times. to involvee herself, get a hold on us, mend a broken relationship for us, make deals with school, what have you.

I was 32, lying injured in bed, Nurse came in, phoning with mom. I grabbed the phone, screamed in red hot anger, and then forbid to staff and docs to communicate with her. they had to talk me down because i was shaking and could not calm down from the adrenalin rush.

she made such a fuzz about me when I was laying in intensive care, that I threw her out of my room. I was sedated and on a breathing aparatus, but she made me so mad because of her way of treating me like a hurt child.

she knew I hated that *hit. I told her a 1000 times. like my siblings also did.

she always ingores that i AM autistic, and tries to get feelings out of that I don't want to have.

yep trauma response. i hafe the same thing.

i love my mom, and I am deeply ashamed and sorry to have her blocked. but she harms me everytime I see her.

I wil miss her and regret it all when she dies.

[-] Shelena@feddit.nl 2 points 2 months ago

I am sorry to hear that. I think your mother ignoring autism can be as harmful as her telling you have it while you don't. In both cases, you are not seen and accepted for who you are.

I have an official document stating that if I am incapable of making decisions, my parents are not allowed to make decisions for me and they cannot be with me in the room by themselves or touch me. I feel quite guilty about that, but I just cannot deal with what will happen otherwise.

[-] addictedtochaos@lemm.ee 2 points 2 months ago

thats a trauma response

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