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this post was submitted on 01 Aug 2024
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It's amazing how the smallest routine deviations can change things.
I once put my 1 year old in the car seat before loading the rest of the stuff into the car. My kid has always hated being constrained, so I didn't bother buckling the seat belt, as I figured there'd be more joy in being able to reach and play with toys while I loaded the car.
All went well, we got underway, and upon arriving at our destination I realized I never actually did up the safety restraints.
I thought
What a shock and brutal realization to have.
Many people have complemented me on my parenting, complemented me on my nurturing and caring attitude towards my kid and other children too. I'd like to think I'm a good father...but the momentary lapse I had could have ended a life and ruined so many more.
Yes, it can happen to anyone. I feel nothing but sympathy for the parents who have lost a child this way.
While not every parent who loses a child this way is a good person, people like Lyn Balfour have demonstrated that many of the parents responsible for these cases are good people who simply had a momentary lapse in attention that resulted in the worse mistake of their entire life.
I think that it is not for the public to judge them, and it's not appropriate to publically shame parents who have been through a tragedy like this.
Those parents will be forever haunted by the waxy face of their dead child, will see other children playing in parks, and remember what their child looked like the last time they saw their remains, will remember how beautiful and vibrant their baby was - and know that it's their fault that the child is forever gone.
I think that's punishment enough.
When my oldest was about 1, I buckled him in, but didn't realize the carseat wasn't buckled in.
About a mile down the road, I turned and we went tumbling across the car in his car seat. It was completely upside down by the end.
The only thing that kept me calm was that he was cackling with laughter. He thought it was the funniest thing. Never made thay mistake again!
Does he skateboard now?
As a new parent... This terrifies me
There have been other suggestions in the thread how to avoid ending up in this situation that I think are good, like put your work bag or purse in the back seat too, or if you're really concerned, take off your non-driving shoe and put it back there.
Kidsandcars.org does great work too, and clearly the message is getting thru to auto manufacturers too.
My boss has a new ford ranger, it reminds him to check the back seat if it detects weight. There are lots of ways to prevent this happening to you, figure out what makes the most sense for you and go with it.
Also, you're going to be a great parent. I don't know how I know this, I just do.
Also terrified of the same with my 9 month old, but you're right, my Ioniq also gives a reminder to check the back when the driver door is opened if the rear doors had opened prior to the drive. I hope I won't need it but it is nice to have.
Quick followup. If you open the rear doors before a drive, drive to an intermediate location, turn of the car, get out, get back in (without opening those rear doors) does it warn you when arriving at the destination?
I ask because there's been criticism previously that if a parent stops to say, drop off dry cleaning, that the systems that are based on door openings don't work.
It's the lack of REM sleep that really fucks you up. Those first months and years are brutal. I suggest making a habit of something that pulls you out of auto pilot. It can be as simple as a phrase like ''close the door, check the kid'' or ''turn off the engine check the back seat'' if it's a habit, it will reenforce what your doing even when you haven't had a solid 8hrs in almost a year. Also, if you have a partner, it can be a good idea, when possible, to switch night duty on baby so you can recharge, but honestly, it's impossible if you can ever hear the baby fuss your animal instincts shoot you right up.
This happened with my youngest once. I forget what lead up to it (this was 16-17 years ago), he might have climbed into his seat on his own or something that deviated me from my routine, but as we were driving he said something about his buckles, and his sister, sitting next to me started yelling at me because I forgot to buckle him.