Well, my father's funeral service was today. I lost him at the beginning of the month.

It's been rough. There were a lot of issues between him and I during my childhood which caused me to quickly cut off contact with him after I moved out. But I'd always hoped that eventually there would be a way to fix things, and now that will never happen.

So there's a lot of guilt. I do not think it was wrong to remove him from my life, but it was never intended to be a permanent thing - it's forever written in stone as it is now though.

I need to get into some grief counseling, but starting that process has been difficult for me. It doesn't help that I already have a lot of other medical issues constantly ongoing, and now this is just another thing to add to the list.