How are cishet people viewed in general in the LGBTQ community? (beehaw.org)

submitted 1 year ago by Lumo@beehaw.org to c/lgbtq_plus@beehaw.org

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First of all I'd like to apologize in advance for any insensitive statements I might make (I hope I don't though), I'm trying my best not to and I was just curious :)

I'm an 18-year-old cishet guy currently in uni and recently the thought popped into my head that I have no clue how the LGBTQ community would view me as someone who's not in the space or actively an ally. I would more accurately describe myself currently as a "don't care" person in the sense that to me it genuinely does not matter what someone identifies as or who someone is attracted to. I don't know how much this means, but I have multiple gay friends, my roommate is bi and I dated a person who went as a girl in day to day life because it was more convenient to her/them although she/they told me she/they partially identified as nonbinary (correct pronoun usage pls >.<) but I don't know if all this is the classic "but i have a black friend" argument that racists use.

To cut to the point: I'm curious as to how I would be seen by queer people in general, as I've witnessed both very inclusive and nice people (mostly here), but also some that said that LGBTQ places are not to be used by cishet people and I'm wondering what the best attitude to take would be.

Thanks!

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[-] violetraven 13 points 1 year ago

Treating us like humans is all we ask. We're all different and while I would initially approach with caution if I know you're being sincere then cool. We're not asking for performative liberal woke points bs. We know those types can be full of shit when they're out of the public eye. I'd take 10s of you over any one of them

[-] Lumo@beehaw.org 7 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

That's in a way a bit what I'm wondering about, like I don't want to come off as performative so I usually wouldn't bring it up except if the context made it relevant, but I also don't know if not explicitly supporting the LGBTQ community is passively enabling bigotry or something

[-] jarfil@beehaw.org 2 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

Is there that much difference between passively enabling bigotry, vs. passively opposing bigotry?

You'll live a life truer to yourself, if you take action to explicitly and actively defend whatever you think. You said you're 18, so take this from someone who's spent their life bullied into passivity: it isn't worth it. Some decades into the future, you'll look back and ask yourself "what have I actually accomplished?", and you better have some answers other than just having passively watched the world turn into whatever it will.

[-] violetraven 2 points 1 year ago

No, the ones passively enabling bigotry are the fence sitters, "I support you, but..." types. If you call out friends for making shitty statements, and can do so safely, that can help. Personally, my biggest ally is a military vet 10 years older than me, talks about how he hates PC bs, etc. But this gentleman called me privately to let me know my deadname showed up on documents and knew I might want to keep it private. To me, that's an ally. Not the liberal, talk to me with that special needs voice, and obligated by HR to be inclusive