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this post was submitted on 21 Feb 2024
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I am sorry my support (I don't believe drug use or suicide are moral failings even though they're often used to vilify) has made it so people who I intended to support tell me I am being unhelpful.
I'm sorry there was confusion, but it sucks to get lashed out at when you were trying to support. Makes it feel sometimes like there's no appropriate way to be an ally here.
So first off, I'm taking this at face value and want to explain why this might not have read how you intended. Second, I am not trans, so others may have another opinion with more weight, but I want to try to explain so that they may be won't have to do the emotional work of responding.
The trick, for me, is how much space and time you give, and in what order, and how much evidence is available to support it. Your comment began with suppositions and theories, we don't have much (if any) evidence for drugs or self harm, and it's an equal quantity to the good stuff you were saying toward the end.
Could suicide or drugs be a possible cause? Sure. But so could an exotic parasite, or the wrath of God, or someone sneaking into their house and poisoning them. But we don't have any evidence for any of that, and spit balling it as a theory takes away from the concrete facts that we do know: they were assaulted, they sought medical care for the assault, and their condition worsened over the next few days in a way that seems to be related.
Yes, you have restated my message: that hate is what led to this death, regardless of the proximate cause.
Cool. So you don't actually want to know why people found your initial comment gross. Well, then all I can tell you is that if you do not like how people react to what you say, keep the distasteful parts inside thoughts. Good luck in all your future endeavors.
Good luck to you, as well. I hope you are able to find people who fit your mold for support.