Update: In light of the programming.dev update here https://programming.dev/post/8399272, the defederation is no longer going ahead.
However, something more needs to be said. Even here on Blahaj, some of our users took issue with the choice to defederate over this issue.
So I would like to give some background and context.
Blahaj Zone exists, because both Kaity and I left mainstream social media to escape transphobia. Reddit, with its lackluster approach to fighting transphobia, and twitter, with its outright celebration of transphobia pushed us here, to the fediverse, and to create Blahaj Zone and Blahaj Lemmy.
To that end, we will continue to treat transphobia seriously. Our goal is to create a space where gender diverse folk can exist and let our defenses down a little, where we don't have to worry about getting dragged in to an argument with a transphobe, or a bad faith actor "just asking questions".
If you are looking for a more reddit like experience, where in the interest of increased engagement, we let low level transphobia slide, and push responsibility for dealing with it on to community mods and individual users, then you will likely not be happy with blahaj going forward. If you choose to stay here, understand that we may defederate again in the future over similar issues.
The choice is yours.
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It has recently been brought to my attention that the lead admin of programming.dev is engaging in ongoing transphobia.
You can see the conversation in question here https://programming.dev/comment/6131539
For that reason we will be defederating from programming.dev in 48 hours.
There are only three communities on that instance used by small number of our users, so this won't have a big impact, but if you are one of those users, you will need to use an alt account on another instance if you wish to access the communities.
Being respectful would have had you stop right there. Instead you decided to continue and blame the "oh so sensitive trans people" for rightfully calling out shitty behavior.
I have been respectful by staying out of top-level discussion to give your voices primary visibility and by qualifying my statements with my identity so that you can choose to value or discount them as you see fit. But I believe diversity of opinion is critical to making important decisions, so I have provided some. Let's not waste any space getting personal when there is nothing more to say here that would be useful for the purposes of this overall thread.
Being permissive of shitty behaviors and transphobic attitudes while being dismissive of the concerns of the people who are targeted by these behaviors is not good "diversity of opinion." I'm sorry you feel that I'm dismissing your opinion, but maybe you should reconsider the way you tell queer people how to handle bad actors.
Valid, I'll do a self-eval of my approach later. However, there is something that I need to address first:
My point is that their behaviors aren't, in fact, transphobic*, just insensitive to the weight that the topic demands (which you could call shitty). I'm not dismissing people's concerns-- I think it's right to be vigilant when you see potentially transphobic comments-- I just think that once you evaluate the source of that concern it turns out to be not the issue that it may appear to be. Causing emotional turmoil without good reason is in itself bad, but also not transphobic.
* with the exception of telling a trans person that her pronouns are unimportant, which I won't defend
Edit: You know, I added that asterisk after I reviewed the thread, but I realized now: how can I defend the admin here if there is actually something like this? Sure, it's based on ignorance and not hate, but given that and his generally insensitive approach, and his position of power on the instance, it does make sense to consider defederation. I'll leave you to it, sorry. I do think that as he's otherwise an ally and he didn't do this out of hate, it may be best not to defederate-- but that's not a decision I should or can make for your community.
But this isn't what happened. He said that it isn't reasonable to get offended at being referred to as "they" because not all clients show names the same way, and there's no reasonable way for him to know what pronouns to use.
Reasonable and respectful
Less reasonable and respectful, depending on interpretation could be meant in the context of the misunderstanding or meant in general. This is a very sensitive topic for people and dismissing it like this is not a good move, even if you don't think it's transphobia-- which is valid, definitions vary widely, I'm not sure it would fit my own even. People were defining it fairly broadly and I'm not getting into a definitions argument here so I went with their definitions for now.
Hey, good on you.