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Completely locked up
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this post was submitted on 24 Nov 2023
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Microblog Memes
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I miss playing various card games, only because it took you forever to actually learn the stupid things, but of course by the time you were starting to feel some mastery, your friend group suddenly gets over its MtG or Texas Hold Em Poker era.
So now you know what a big blind is and you won't even use that knowledge again, with any luck, because it would mean throwing the retirement savings away on fuck all.
Shit man, I miss Apples to Apples, to say nothing of getting trashed and playing Cards Against Humanity, what a time that was.
Exploding Kittens. It's designed by the guy who drew The Oatmeal. There's black holes involved. About the time we all got sharky on the ruleset oh, we're not playing this anymore.
Fucking card games, man.
Card game doesn't even mean "played with little bits of cardboard" anymore.
No, it means "video games where cards are used as a play mechanic" now. Fuckin card games.
I extend this to most board games as well. And I find people "eager to teach me" often are "eager to play, you're slowing the fun down by not immediately picking up the fundamentals" and I get bored because I don't know what's going on and then players cop out with "just watch, you'll pick it up." No, Frank. I have six cards in category A in my hand, three face down in category B, six glass pebbles, one plastic pyramid, and staring at a large cloth with hexagons and two dice with Japanese Kanji on their faces. Two of the players are fighting about what sounds like K-pop album names, and using abstract nonsense like they are actually explaining.
"You know six knuts make one Orin, right? You have six knuts and one Orin in front of you, got that? Now the lead sanu, thats Jim, has the advantage of Doshuikk because he's on the golden path here. You got that? So you need to find another player to use THEIR Orin so you can pass Jim and bargain with knuts OR use your Orin to pass the time gate nearest to you, your partner, AND Jim. But if Jim passes the rainbow bridge, you'll have to start over. That's why--"
Oh, I'm sorry, I stopped caring hours ago. I see literally zero point in this last hour to give a fuck about any of this.
Board games are a very good test at your abstract learning ability. Like going into a new job having no context.
This reminds me of Bamboozled from Friends.
This game is stupid.
This is the best game ever.
That's why I draw the line at UNO (ok, with the exception of Gwent).
Classic UNO with physical cards, or (one of) the digital versions of the game?
(I just switched the direction, so it's your turn again!)
Only physical: To +4 your enemies, see cards taken before you, and to hear the lamentations of their women
(loosely based on Conan)
but wait, are you sure you don't want to play VR Uno with realistic card turning action?!
I have the highest of all pixels and most realistic movement and physics in reality so far.
FTFY
I just played occationally Gwent in Novigrad, Skellige and Toussaint. No real life card trading. That's the only exception of a card game I had more fun virtually.