this post was submitted on 28 Oct 2023
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I think I may be an outlier here. I really don't want to die in a sudden 'didn't-see-it-coming' kind of way, like getting hit by a semi or a freak accident with heavy machinery kind of way. The idea of going from living, thinking, feeling, person to chunk(s) of meat in an instant terrifies the shit out of me. Especially if it's caught on video and people watch it for laughs or whatever possesses them to watch that kind of thing.
Don't get me wrong, I don't want to die in some slow, painful way either, but something I had some agency in would be worlds better. Like taking a bullet to save a loved one, or punching my own ticket after getting a terminal diagnosis, or even just taking a deliberate, calculated risk.
I'm alright with anything that will kill me instantly. My fear is having something so sudden that will keep me bedridden and helpless to finish it all. I won't wish it on an enemy.
I had family members that needed care and I was happy to provide it. But to see them like that was hard and I know it was harder for them to go through that not just it felt like that to me but they told me so as well. They were too religious to end it. I'm not so I hope I'll never experience this fear of mine.