It's complicated. I am not religious, and have considered myself to be an atheist for most of my life so far. I also have strong negative feelings towards most mainstream religions, because of their long-standing hate towards people like me and my loved ones. I also grew up in a Presbyterian church and honestly, fuck everything about calvinist-derived theology.

But, it is hard to shake some amount of magical thinking. And honestly, if it brings joy, and isn't harming people around you, why not? So lately I've been leaning into it a bit, in a vaguely neopagan direction. I definitely don't take any of it literally, but if a sprinkle of it helps keep me from descending into despondency, I will shrug and go with it. It isn't rational, but I am a human, not a robot.

I have also considered finding a local unitarian universalist church or something along those lines. Somewhere that is chill with me as I am. The last few years have been isolating and I think I need more community in my life to thrive.