DND is not a narrative game first. It has very few rules for narrative stuff. The bulk of its attention is spent on resource management and combat. Because the bulk of the game is centered around managing resources (spell slots, HP, sometimes gold), I say it is a resource management game.

It's not very good at facilitating good stories. It's just missing a bunch of tooling like you'd find in Fate or other games. You can still play make believe but you can do that with anything. The rules aren't really helping very much. They often don't care at all about the narrative.

I'll remember stuff like him blowing hold person on a retreating mook when the expertise-in-grapple rogue could have just grabbed him, sure, but not happily.

Lol. This just is not true in the slightest for earlier D&D. Sure, 5E is mostly focused on narrative, and everyone ignores food, water, etc. This was not always the case though. It was a role playing game, but the role was that of a person who had real needs and desires. It was mostly about dungeon crawling, and often even competitive-ish. Players would frequently try to get one up on each other, like sneaking off to steal all the loot from a dungeon before anyone else got there. There was also almost nothing done in cities and stuff. You'd purchase your equipment and move on to the next encounter.

I agree this isn't what the game has become, and it also isn't the way it "should" be. To pretend like resource management and survival aspect were never part of the game though is ignoring a lot of history.