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I posted this in the wrong community last night because I was falling asleep 😂 (lemmy.zip)
submitted 1 day ago by MoonrootWitch@lemmy.zip to c/mtf
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cross-posted from: https://lemmy.zip/post/65531716

Has anyone else started liking their friends less after transitioning?

I’m not sure if this is a common experience, but I’ve noticed that since starting my transition, some people I used to genuinely enjoy being around have started to annoy me.

It’s not because they mess up my name or pronouns. That happens occasionally, but they usually correct themselves right away and apologize. It’s more that I just don’t seem to enjoy their company anymore.

For some context, I’m a civil engineer, and most of my friends are engineers as well. I’ve noticed this most strongly with some of my coworkers lately. It’s hard to describe exactly what changed. Part of it is that a lot of them have a very “macho” attitude, but it’s not just that.

Sometimes I wonder if, before transitioning, I was convincing myself that I liked being around certain people because I wanted to fit in, and now I’ve stopped doing that. But it’s strange, because there are days when I feel annoyed just seeing them, or when they make plans and invite me.

Has anyone else experienced something similar after transitioning? Did your social circle change, or did you start seeing certain relationships differently?

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[-] tiramichu@sh.itjust.works 10 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

For me, it came down realising a lot of people are fundamentally very closed, and don't want to think about any possibility which challenges their world-view.

It doesn't take transitioning to realise this, but people who are part of certain communities like trans, queer, furry etc often need to do a lot of thinking about ourselves, about the nature of society and our place in it - about what we feel and how we feel and why.

Our situations force us to become introspective.

And ultimately, it's people capable of that sort of introspection that I want to spend time with, and be with. I want mutually respectful friendships where I can be my whole self, and speak genuinely and listen genuinely. Friendships that aren't scared of the big questions.

I want friendships where you actually care about getting to know the other person better, where each conversation is a little more trust and respect and joy.

Having realised that, I just can't muster enthusiasm any longer for workplace friendships I know will never evolve beyond harmless chat about hobbies and weekend plans. Friendships where no matter how much investment you put in there will always be a huge valley of difference between you. Emotions that can never be expressed and even if they were would simply bounce off without touching.

I just don't want to do that anymore.

[-] MoonrootWitch@lemmy.zip 2 points 19 hours ago

That's a bit sad, but I think you might be onto something.

The people I feel closest to these days are also the ones I've been able to talk to about emotions, personal experiences, and things outside of work. Those friendships feel a lot more meaningful to me.

I also think work friendships can be complicated. When work is stressful, sometimes the last thing I want after hours is another reminder of work 😅. Maybe part of what I'm realizing is that I want more connections that aren't built entirely around my job.

[-] captainlezbian@lemmy.world 2 points 14 hours ago

Oh yeah if you can't do that with your friends you need friends you can

this post was submitted on 04 Jun 2026
31 points (100.0% liked)

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