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I feel like my autism mighy of gotten me kicked out
(self.autism)
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this post was submitted on 08 May 2026
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Autism
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Not your fault when people are not tolerant of certain differences. This is why it's a "disability". Not because it is disabling on it's own (at least the most common forms) but because society makes it hard to interact. Just like a curb not having a ramp makes it hard for people in a wheelchair to go to socialize at the local social club/bar. It's not the disability itself, it's the lack of simple accommodation.
That said, this is why I've weeded out my friend group and love that I found a tolerant ND extrovert that brings together only people who are tolerant. It's hard finding new friends, but it was worth it for me at least.
Yeah I'm lowkey scared to live with anyone else do to this, getting kicked out killed me.
My issue in that area was only that I was masking all of the time because I didn't know I was neurodivergent at all, just thought I was a bad person and had to hide it. It was when I figured it out and I asked them to accept me as I am that they left, saying I had been deceiving them all of those years and they wanted the masked me back because it was easier when I was making all of the sacrifices and accommodations.
If you already know you aren't the problem and dont try to hide who you are, then the problem of "deceiving" someone doesn't exist in the first place. If they accept you, then they accept the real you if that's all you give them.
I mean there are little social niceties and white lies and such that I try to accommodate for neurotypical people's needs even though they take effort, just like I ask that they accommodate my needs. All relationships, platonic or romantic, need to have some accommodations. But overall it's way less draining to accommodate them than to mask my entire personality for them and risking being abandoned when I can no longer afford the energy to mask entirely. And there are going to be times when we break down and can't accommodate their needs. As long as that's temporary, that's also part of a good relationship of any type.
We all have quirks and special needs. As long as both sides of the relationship put in a small amount of effort to meet in the middle when they have the energy to do so, and one person isn't required to make all the sacrifices, that's just what relationships are. I dont have BPD, but I do have some RSD (Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria). Accepting all of that helped me through some of the issues I have with RSD.
I'm definitely no psychologist or very good of a role model, but that's how I see things. And although it has taken a long time to get to where I am now, the journey has made me understand people better and I feel I'm a better person for it (not that we should have to suffer to be good people, just how the world often works).
I still have issues. I still have meltdowns. But when I have the "spoons" I help my friends, partners, etc., through their issues and they do the same for me if they can. When neither can, we just have the mutual understanding, through both having experienced spoon deficits, to accept that we're temporarily going to be at odds.
I think for them it was more of me having higher support needs, I wouldnt just do house chores, and it got worse if I was overwealmed by work. Generally it built as resentment over time
Yeah, it can be difficult when ND people are exhausted and can't do their share in a timely manner. Usually, I find that all this requires is a tweak to chore schedules as long as it's temporary and reciprocal. Just as an example, not a recommendation in itself, say it's your turn to do dishes this week and you are particularly exhausted. If you're alone your future self would be responsible for double duty, but that's totally fair. When loving with someone, if you ask them to do the dishes you also need to commit to picking up one of their dish days in the future. This kind of thing doesn't always work, but as long as you're fair about it and not just so selfish that you don't do dishes, ever, it can work.
It can also work across chores. Some chores are more exhausting to one person than some others, so split that way, one does all the dishes and the other all the laundry for example (though it needs to be equivalent chores) not something like yard work thst only exists in summer and only once a week vs dishes that are every single day.
You can also use resources as substitutes in some cases, as long as this isn't someone you share those resources with. For example if you keep money separate, you might be able to hire someone to do your share.
Making example schedules and examples of how exceptions would work might be worthwhile both to ease your fears and to help another person provide those accommodations with less effort on their end and thus less likely to feel resentment.
However, if you're in a position where you don't have resources, can't find adequate trades, and even when you're alone these things are not getting done, resulting in possibly unhealthy living conditions, it might require help of a healthcare professional to help you with finding other ways. A good therapist who specializes in neurodivergence or at least is familiar with the issues (something grossly missing from the curricula in many places since assumptions are even today often made that these are childhood issues and go away in adulthood and then it's just laziness or whatever). Or it may require medications to help you, just like a leg amputee requires a wheelchair, not because they can't live in society, but because society requires something they're not able to do without aids. I take Adderall and it has helped a ton for my particular issues even allowing me to get rid of other meds I was on for the disorders caused by trying to live in a society not built for me. Anyway, all of that stuff no one here can help with, unfortunately.