hi hi everyone I'm back again :3
much has happened this week...
monday marks my second week of injections!!!! I can really feel the difference now compared to before... I feel like my default state of existence is at a higher baseline. it's so much harder to stifle a laugh or joy because it all feels so much stronger... those moments also stay with me for longer and improve my mood for the rest of a given day. my friend that's known me since before put it in a blunt way which I 100% agree with, hindsight 20/20 and all (lol):
colors look so much better now and especially this week... it's been so sunny lately with spring and every time I walk outside I feel like I'm on the brink of overstimulation!!!! red and pink are so pretty now... red is my new favorite color :3
flowers!!
tuesday I managed to secure a plausible lie with spawnpoint and I got myself to a trans support space!!!! first time being there I had no idea what to expect, but it turned out to be great!! it was super cozy and I just got to chill around for the most part in a dimly lit (💞💞) room. I got to introduce myself, get to know some other people there, played jackbox, talked about our favorite songs and had pizza, but after processing the experience fully yesterday evening (I often need that time before I can come to a proper conclusion) I cried a little bit. it was a place where I didn't know anyone and nobody knew the old me. I got to introduce myself with my actual name and I didn't have to pretend to be someone else. I got to feel a shared connection with so many people in a space and it's something I've never felt before. I loved it. going to school the next morning after that felt especially gruesome... but I can push through it. I'm definitely coming back next week :3
on my way back home
TRANSIT!!!!!!! taking the train/bus at night when the world is winding down is such a vibe. also brushing up on my video editing skills again!!!!!!!! (Kdenlive my beloved)
Finally got a decent bus shot
wednesday wasn't too crazy of a day, but I did manage to head to an interview for a job I'm interested in. they'll (hopefully) get back to me because it's a basic position in a local chain, but you never know. gimme gimme money I wanna buy lots of pretty things :3
overall I can confidently say HRT was so worth it... my days have felt so much longer and so many experiences feel so much higher than before. my overall mood has improved and I don't feel hollow. I don't feel like two different people anymore, just one great one. just knowing that while I can't really do much about my appearance/clothing/etc now while I'm still at home, I can still feel great inside and I'm setting myself up for success so early on. I don't want to waste any of my days... each one is a day worth experiencing, and each one brings me closer to freedom ❤️
That sounds like a great week!
Also: spawnpoint? As in egg-donor/person who birthed you? I have informed my spouse we have a new way of referring to her birther, which we have no contact with. So thank you for that! Lol it's perfect
I'm meeting with a transmasc friend todauly and they will be helping me on my call to a clinic today for my first appointment! I'm hoping to get seen soon. I keep reading all these things about mood changes for the better after starting hrt, I'm hoping I feel something similar. At the very least it should alleviate some of my depression from just not being who I am. So I'm looking forward to that!
It sounds like you're well on your way to being your best "you"!
meet spawnpoint: the person who birthed me... still believes she can "fix" me. I just play into it but when I'm alone and out I get shit done for myself.
for me personally HRT really did just alleviate so many of the depressive symptoms I had, although I never got a formal diagnosis. I had a feeling if I did though I'd be treating a symptom and not the cause
best of luck!!! ❤️