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FEMA Official Says He Teleported to Waffle House. Experts Are Dubious.
(www.nytimes.com)
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this post was submitted on 03 Apr 2026
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"FEMA official blacked out and came to at a Waffle House"
FTFY
I have a proposal to add this to the Waffle House FAQs, if they have them.
Q: I teleported to Waffle House. Am I a god? Was I abducted by aliens? Am I the most important person in history?
A: While we cannot definitively rule out any of those things, every time this has happened in the past was due to the customer blacking out and going to the only place that was open at the time. In fact, this situation accounts for a large portion of our revenue. Don't think of yourself as a pathetic brainless drunk loser. You're an important part of the economy.
If memory serves, he also claimed to have been driving when he teleported into a ditch 50 miles away.
Which just comes across like he was driving when he really shouldn't have been (Drunk/Tired and Emotional), and fallen asleep whilst on the road.
waffle house has a homing beacon signal for drunk/drug addicts, they natural hone it on it.