please make an attempt to get to the root of the problem prior to medicating yourself. from your post history you seem to have insecurities that hrt of any sort WILL NOT fix. take it from someone who had those insecurities before starting feminizing hrt, it doesn't fix deep cut mental issues.

as for how to get to that point, everyone is different, and most of us here aren't qualified to take on a task like that. we can help and point you the right direction, but we cant diagnose you and we cant always have the right questions to ask you.

blindly taking hrt without blood tests and good reason is a good way to fuck your hormonal cycles up hard, especially as a cis woman.

its easy to see trans women praise hrt for its feminizing effects and want to replicate their experience, but you need to keep the context attached to that. we are coming from years and years of the completely wrong hormones and being socialized for them. the end result is a product of genetics and how much work is being put in to retrain ourselves socially. the hrt is just a way to get those genetics to come out and help feel more comfortable in our skin

I'm not discounting what you may be going through, life hands out its worst cards sometimes. but without knowing what the problem actually is youre just gonna hurt your chances of solving it before feeling worse

i wish the best for you, and discomfort in your own body and mind is the worst, trust me. please seek more appropriate means of fixing what you need to